About a year and a half ago, I made the decision to move to a new city. New faces, new sights, new basically everything. Hardest decision of my life. However, I happened to move to a city where the singles are not so ready to mingle. Needless to say, I have not been on a date in the amount of time that I have been here. I'm not saying that I'm super torn up over it. I never dated that much in my old town. It's just that the guys here are quite interesting. There are a few kids that I wouldn't mind dating, but the whole notion has become that you have to KNOW the person before you ask them out on a date. Since when has that become a thing? Dates are for getting to know them. That is why you have stimulating conversation over a meal. Or you go to a park, or just walk around downtown. Just DO SOMETHING. I have an example of what I mean.
Introducing Captain America.
This kid is all sorts of adorable. He is tall, blonde, built, beautiful blue eyes, and is genuinely nice to everyone that he meets. Oh, and he speaks French. Need I say more? We bonded over our love of rugby and movies. Many late night conversations that led to continuous conversations that lasted for daysssss.
Seems like a dream right?
Basically he is, but he has one major downfall. He does not follow through. Just how the Captain never made his date with Agent Carter, this Captain never made a date with me. Oh sure he has asked me on plenty of dates, but not a single one of them has he followed through on. Every single time, he says "I need to take you to do {something.}" And then I'm all for it and give him a day that would work and it never happens. Ever. His main reason being that we don't know each other yet. Well duh. You never take me out on a date! (He is also trying to ask out like 5 other girls on dates.... story of my life, and none of them go on dates with him either.)
Lesson for guys: You want to get to know someone personally? You need one on one time with them. Take them out on a date. It doesn't need to be fancy. You can make caramel apples and laugh about how all of the caramel falls off or that you basically made caramel milk. Or go to the pet shelter and pet puppies and possibly buy one... ;) I don't care. Just do something. Enough of this waiting around for the girl to make a move and show that she is interested. Take initiative. You like a girl? ASK HER. The worst she can say is no. And honestly, yes its terrifying and there may be tons of girls that will turn you down. But all it takes is one yes. If you don't ask, its a 100% no. If you ask, you get a 50/50 chance. Worth a shot right? Well to all of the guys like the Captain. Just man up and ask us out. Show us that chivalry isn't dead. Who knows what will come out of it.
"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.” -Benjamin Mee
Monday, November 24, 2014
Thursday, April 3, 2014
A Brief Recap of My Dating History
I read THIS blog post the other day. This girl chronicled her entire dating history, and it fascinated me to no end. So I've decided to copy the idea. Here is a brief recap of my dating history, not all of my stories (that's what this blog is for), but the ones that have effected me the most. I hope this is as interesting for you to read as it has been for me to write.
You started as a best friend; our friendship began because through discussing our crushes on out mutual friends. You were the funniest, most outrageous person I knew and I loved my time with you. But I didn't realize that somewhere along the line your feelings grew to something more than friendship. You were my first kiss; it was at junior prom and completely unexpected in my oblivious mind. I like to think I learned to have feelings for you, but the truth is that I was just trying to force it because of our friendship, and I eventually got scared and felt smothered. I'm sorry I broke your heart.
--
We had been friends for years and I had always been attracted to you. When it looked like that friendship was finally going to become something else, I was thrilled beyond belief. You kissed me when you walked me to my car one night, and I squealed with happiness the entire drive home. We spent some lovely evenings exploring different parks. We both knew that it was just going to be for a summer. We had a good month and then you suddenly stopped talking to me. My attempts to contact you and ask what was wrong were all in vain. You finally sent me that facebook message telling me that things were over and insulting my morals, goals, and friends. I was too angry to be hurt. I still try not to think about it because I get so upset. Thanks for ending things because after all these years, I now realize that you were crazy.
--
I thought you were weird at first, but then your weirdness grew on me. I had never met someone so free-spirited and adventurous and hilarious. You quickly won me over and we were inseparable. When you kissed me in the rain while dancing on "our bench," I felt like I was living a dream. Things were just so easy between us and we never had to talk about our relationship because it just happened. I think you were my first love, or at least my first glimpse of what love could be. The first time I ever cried over a boy was the night you left. Those two years were hard and I planned on continuing to love you when you came back. But life never works out as we plan and everything just felt so different and weird when you returned. I think I was scared of us actually working out. I don't know why we weren't supposed to be together, but I could not ignore those feelings of wrongness. I'm sorry I couldn't give you good a reason for ending things and I'm sorry that I have such a hard time talking about my feelings. I didn't want to hurt you and I just wanted you to be happy because I cared so much about you. I'm sorry for how things ended.
--
I fell for you hard and fast, and I terrified all my friends. You viewed the world in the most unique way. You were artistic and had opinions and I was fascinated by you. You opened my eyes to so many new things in the world and you made me a more open-minded person. Looking back, I realize that you were never really interested in me, you just liked kissing me. It was a good day when I realized that you were no good for me.
--
We had a whirlwind relationship. From the moment I met you, I was totally swept up in your hilarity and your goodness. I've never spent time with a man so full of life and energy. It all happened so fast and after two weeks of spending every moment together, I got scared. It was too much, too soon for me and I just shut down. I never explained that to you and I'm sorry. But you were good enough to just be able to my friend after all of that.
--
You were the first boy to ever break my heart and we never even dated. I spent more time in your apartment during that semester than I did in my own. You and your roommates were my best friends and then one day I realized I was head over heels for you. You always sent signs that you were interested as well, like how we shared our moments of laughter and eye contact even when we were in a group of people. I convinced myself that you liked me and my heart almost fluttered out of my chest the day you held my hand. You were perfect in my eyes, but then you moved away without even saying goodbye and I was so sad. And then it crushed me when you told me you were engaged just 1 month later.
--
I just must add you to the list of almost-relationships that nearly defeated me. Our friendship was real and deep and how could I not fall for you? All those adventures and those library days that you made bearable. I knew you were interest and it filled my heart with joy. And then one day, you just stopped. It was just over and you never explained why. I still thought you were perfect and that made getting over you difficult. Even now, almost 2 years later, I have regrets about you and cherish those rare moments when we run into each other.
--
You were the most dramatic story of my life. We got along splendidly and had so much fun together, yet I still had my doubts. You hurt me at a hard time in my life, and I thought you could never redeem yourself from that, but surprisingly you did and you made everything right. I realize that everyone makes mistakes and I'm sorry it always seemed like I held yours against you, but that actually wasn't the case at all, I just didn't feel right about a relationship with you. You were too good to me and too patient with me and it was frustrating. I was always stressed over what a good friend you were because I knew it meant more to you than it did to me. But I love our friendship. Still to this day, I find you to be one of the people I feel most comfortable being around and I love you. I just wish I loved you the way you wanted me to. When two of my best friends married two of your best friends, I realized that our lives will be entangled for the rest of our lives and I want that to be okay. I think it will.
--
We were set up on a blind date. We both knew that our mutual friend wanted so badly for us to date, so we did. We didn't really have anything in common, but we just kept pushing a relationship. You were so into your music and I just wasn't. We never talked about what was going on between us, it just happened naturally. One day I realized that I had spent all this time with you, but I didn't feel like I really knew anything about you. You were this mystery that I couldn't figure out. I think we both were just there because we were told we would go so well together but neither of us were terribly invested in the relationship, so when it died out, it didn't really effect either of us.
--
You were a friend when I needed one the most in my life, and you always made the world exciting. And you made me laugh. We had a summer of adventure and fun, but it was always just as friends because you loved another girl. I tried to deny my feelings for you because I knew they would never be reciprocated. But those feelings came in full force when you kissed me under the stars during a meteor shower. And then you acted like nothing happened. We continued on as best friends and confidants, but we never talked about us. You frustrate me. And it has taken me a long time to learn to just be your friend again.
--
You started as a best friend; our friendship began because through discussing our crushes on out mutual friends. You were the funniest, most outrageous person I knew and I loved my time with you. But I didn't realize that somewhere along the line your feelings grew to something more than friendship. You were my first kiss; it was at junior prom and completely unexpected in my oblivious mind. I like to think I learned to have feelings for you, but the truth is that I was just trying to force it because of our friendship, and I eventually got scared and felt smothered. I'm sorry I broke your heart.
--
We had been friends for years and I had always been attracted to you. When it looked like that friendship was finally going to become something else, I was thrilled beyond belief. You kissed me when you walked me to my car one night, and I squealed with happiness the entire drive home. We spent some lovely evenings exploring different parks. We both knew that it was just going to be for a summer. We had a good month and then you suddenly stopped talking to me. My attempts to contact you and ask what was wrong were all in vain. You finally sent me that facebook message telling me that things were over and insulting my morals, goals, and friends. I was too angry to be hurt. I still try not to think about it because I get so upset. Thanks for ending things because after all these years, I now realize that you were crazy.
--
I thought you were weird at first, but then your weirdness grew on me. I had never met someone so free-spirited and adventurous and hilarious. You quickly won me over and we were inseparable. When you kissed me in the rain while dancing on "our bench," I felt like I was living a dream. Things were just so easy between us and we never had to talk about our relationship because it just happened. I think you were my first love, or at least my first glimpse of what love could be. The first time I ever cried over a boy was the night you left. Those two years were hard and I planned on continuing to love you when you came back. But life never works out as we plan and everything just felt so different and weird when you returned. I think I was scared of us actually working out. I don't know why we weren't supposed to be together, but I could not ignore those feelings of wrongness. I'm sorry I couldn't give you good a reason for ending things and I'm sorry that I have such a hard time talking about my feelings. I didn't want to hurt you and I just wanted you to be happy because I cared so much about you. I'm sorry for how things ended.
--
I fell for you hard and fast, and I terrified all my friends. You viewed the world in the most unique way. You were artistic and had opinions and I was fascinated by you. You opened my eyes to so many new things in the world and you made me a more open-minded person. Looking back, I realize that you were never really interested in me, you just liked kissing me. It was a good day when I realized that you were no good for me.
--
We had a whirlwind relationship. From the moment I met you, I was totally swept up in your hilarity and your goodness. I've never spent time with a man so full of life and energy. It all happened so fast and after two weeks of spending every moment together, I got scared. It was too much, too soon for me and I just shut down. I never explained that to you and I'm sorry. But you were good enough to just be able to my friend after all of that.
--
You were the first boy to ever break my heart and we never even dated. I spent more time in your apartment during that semester than I did in my own. You and your roommates were my best friends and then one day I realized I was head over heels for you. You always sent signs that you were interested as well, like how we shared our moments of laughter and eye contact even when we were in a group of people. I convinced myself that you liked me and my heart almost fluttered out of my chest the day you held my hand. You were perfect in my eyes, but then you moved away without even saying goodbye and I was so sad. And then it crushed me when you told me you were engaged just 1 month later.
--
I just must add you to the list of almost-relationships that nearly defeated me. Our friendship was real and deep and how could I not fall for you? All those adventures and those library days that you made bearable. I knew you were interest and it filled my heart with joy. And then one day, you just stopped. It was just over and you never explained why. I still thought you were perfect and that made getting over you difficult. Even now, almost 2 years later, I have regrets about you and cherish those rare moments when we run into each other.
--
You were the most dramatic story of my life. We got along splendidly and had so much fun together, yet I still had my doubts. You hurt me at a hard time in my life, and I thought you could never redeem yourself from that, but surprisingly you did and you made everything right. I realize that everyone makes mistakes and I'm sorry it always seemed like I held yours against you, but that actually wasn't the case at all, I just didn't feel right about a relationship with you. You were too good to me and too patient with me and it was frustrating. I was always stressed over what a good friend you were because I knew it meant more to you than it did to me. But I love our friendship. Still to this day, I find you to be one of the people I feel most comfortable being around and I love you. I just wish I loved you the way you wanted me to. When two of my best friends married two of your best friends, I realized that our lives will be entangled for the rest of our lives and I want that to be okay. I think it will.
--
We were set up on a blind date. We both knew that our mutual friend wanted so badly for us to date, so we did. We didn't really have anything in common, but we just kept pushing a relationship. You were so into your music and I just wasn't. We never talked about what was going on between us, it just happened naturally. One day I realized that I had spent all this time with you, but I didn't feel like I really knew anything about you. You were this mystery that I couldn't figure out. I think we both were just there because we were told we would go so well together but neither of us were terribly invested in the relationship, so when it died out, it didn't really effect either of us.
--
You were a friend when I needed one the most in my life, and you always made the world exciting. And you made me laugh. We had a summer of adventure and fun, but it was always just as friends because you loved another girl. I tried to deny my feelings for you because I knew they would never be reciprocated. But those feelings came in full force when you kissed me under the stars during a meteor shower. And then you acted like nothing happened. We continued on as best friends and confidants, but we never talked about us. You frustrate me. And it has taken me a long time to learn to just be your friend again.
--
The Friendly Kisser
Monday, March 10, 2014
No, I did not create a graph about my love life...
I've come to an incredible realization about myself. It came at a random moment the other day after having eaten some delicious papusas with a group of friends. This self-discovery explained every dating or not-so-dating experience I've ever had.
While explaining my discovery to my roommates, I realized that this would make so much more sense in graph form. That's just the nerdy statistician side of me coming out. So, here it is (click pic for larger view):
And now let me explain this graph to you.
I discovered that whenever I meet a new boy, my approach is to subconsciously view him as a potential love interest. In theory, this is a good thing because it means I'm giving every boy a solid chance. However, because I approach boys this way, I unintentionally end up being an incredible flirt with EVERY boy when we first become friends. I honestly truly don't mean to be, but I am very extroverted, which is made manifest by being a very skilled flirt. I'm very good at first impressions and making people interested in me initially. I never see anything out of the ordinary about my flirting because it's just how I've always been. And thus I begin to develop a friendship with every boy I ever meet based on my flirty personality. It's all good fun and I'm always at my wittiest and funniest when I've got my flirt going on.
Unfortunately, often times this means I accidentally lead on some boys that I may not actually be interested in. I don't mean to lead these boys on, that's simply how they react to my personality. I reach a point where my subconscious consideration of a boy as a potential love interest just flat lines into what we call the "friendzone".
It would make the most sense for this place of friendship to be where things remained, and sometimes this does in fact happen and it provides for a very solid friendship. But of course life is not that simple all the time, and I personally seem to approach relationships in the most roundabout way possible. It often seems that only after a period of friendship do I tend to develop true romantic interest for someone. This causes problems for me. Let me just spell this out... A boy and I have just been happily trotting along as friends for a time and then suddenly I realize I'm interested in it becoming more than that. I've previously ignored the boy's attempts to build a relationship, so he has lost interest and he now only sees me as a friend. Do you see my problem? I've already unintentionally shut a guy down once, and when I finally develop those feelings, then it is too late and the opportunity has past.
Dating Rule #22: Do not repeatedly shut down a boy that you still might potentially be interested in at some point in the future.
End graph interpretation.
So how do I fix this problem, you may ask? I have yet to find a solution, but I'm going to throw some ideas down right now, if you don't mind. I don't think there's anything I can do about my flirty personality; that's just how I am and how I do things, and if I were to put a stop to it, I don't think I would ever be nearly as funny, which would be rather unfortunate. So as far as I see it, there are two possible solutions:
While explaining my discovery to my roommates, I realized that this would make so much more sense in graph form. That's just the nerdy statistician side of me coming out. So, here it is (click pic for larger view):
And now let me explain this graph to you.
I discovered that whenever I meet a new boy, my approach is to subconsciously view him as a potential love interest. In theory, this is a good thing because it means I'm giving every boy a solid chance. However, because I approach boys this way, I unintentionally end up being an incredible flirt with EVERY boy when we first become friends. I honestly truly don't mean to be, but I am very extroverted, which is made manifest by being a very skilled flirt. I'm very good at first impressions and making people interested in me initially. I never see anything out of the ordinary about my flirting because it's just how I've always been. And thus I begin to develop a friendship with every boy I ever meet based on my flirty personality. It's all good fun and I'm always at my wittiest and funniest when I've got my flirt going on.
Unfortunately, often times this means I accidentally lead on some boys that I may not actually be interested in. I don't mean to lead these boys on, that's simply how they react to my personality. I reach a point where my subconscious consideration of a boy as a potential love interest just flat lines into what we call the "friendzone".
Let's set one thing straight: The friendzone is not a bad place. Most everyone I hang out with is in the friendzone. They are called my "friends" after all, so the friendzone makes sense. However, the friendzone becomes a problem when one party plateaus there and has no interest in further pursuit of a relationship and the other party is in fact interested.The boy's interest continues to increase even though I've unintentionally halted mine, thinking we are just friends. Then when he shows that interest, I freak out and tell myself that we're only "good friends" and firmly stand my ground in the friendzone by avoiding every advance he makes and the guy eventually looses interest. We eventually make our way back to the same playing field as just really good friends.
It would make the most sense for this place of friendship to be where things remained, and sometimes this does in fact happen and it provides for a very solid friendship. But of course life is not that simple all the time, and I personally seem to approach relationships in the most roundabout way possible. It often seems that only after a period of friendship do I tend to develop true romantic interest for someone. This causes problems for me. Let me just spell this out... A boy and I have just been happily trotting along as friends for a time and then suddenly I realize I'm interested in it becoming more than that. I've previously ignored the boy's attempts to build a relationship, so he has lost interest and he now only sees me as a friend. Do you see my problem? I've already unintentionally shut a guy down once, and when I finally develop those feelings, then it is too late and the opportunity has past.
Dating Rule #22: Do not repeatedly shut down a boy that you still might potentially be interested in at some point in the future.
End graph interpretation.
So how do I fix this problem, you may ask? I have yet to find a solution, but I'm going to throw some ideas down right now, if you don't mind. I don't think there's anything I can do about my flirty personality; that's just how I am and how I do things, and if I were to put a stop to it, I don't think I would ever be nearly as funny, which would be rather unfortunate. So as far as I see it, there are two possible solutions:
- First, I would have to focus on that point when I get turned off and stop having interest in a boy. I need to extend myself into really getting to know a boy and giving him a real chance, not just a fake, flirty chance.
- Second, I need to be more open with my emotions when I do finally develop those feelings after having spent my time in the friendzone. I need to just come out and tell a boy that I am interested and be willing to accept being shut down. If we can still be friends after he tried to pursue me, then I'm pretty sure we can still be friends after I try to pursue him.
It seems to me that these are two very solid solutions, however each of them requires me to go out of my dating comfort zone. I don't like that one bit, but I suppose, how else am I supposed to inflict change on my life without stretching myself every once in a while?
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Physical Touch: The Love Language of Death
Alright.
I have problems.
I can admit it. Many of these problems are probably why I am not dating anyone. One of these issues is that my love language is physical touch. Predominantly physical touch. I am an extremely touchy person. Most people have a bubble. I myself, do not. It gets me into trouble. Like this.
On Sunday, we had stake conference. And the stake center for me is a half hour drive. Not to mention, it snowed a couple of inches while I was in church. So I decided to spend the day at my friend's house and wait for it to clear off. We had lunch, played some games, and decided to watch a movie. Now there were two guys there, who are both adorable and I am pretty good friends with one, and the other I had just met that day. So I'm sitting on the couch getting ready to watch the movie. I'm in the corner, the couch isn't facing the TV. Its that awkward against the wall type couch moments. Anyways, the newbie, lets call him Braces for now (which also can explain some things), comes to sit on the couch next to me. I was like "Score! Foot rest!" Honestly the only thoughts in my head. Then Braces decided to lay his head in my lap. For me, its not a big deal. I end up giving him a head massage cause that's what I do. As the movie continues, he gets more cuddly. Like holding hands, footsie type of things. By the end of the movie, he decided to ask me if I wanted to do something this weekend. Aka Valentines Day. I was like HELL no. (Pardon my french.) I didn't actually say it to his face but oh was I thinking it. So he got my number, and I was like whatever. He's kind of cute, a really good cuddler, but other than that, I'm not too interested right now.
Well Monday comes along, he texts me, he talks to me on Facebook, and sends me a good night text. So what was for me just another night of cuddling with somebody (It happens, okay?), to him meant a lot more. He has since then weaseled his way into my Violent Times party, along with a concert tonight. The more forward he is being, the more it makes me back off. It's kind of unattractive to me. I know, I have problems. It's just too much too soon, I mean I only met him 4 days ago. Back off a little. So a harmless little cuddling night has turned into a horror movie for me, a person who's physical touchiness gets her into trouble.
More stories to come. Stay tuned.
I have problems.
I can admit it. Many of these problems are probably why I am not dating anyone. One of these issues is that my love language is physical touch. Predominantly physical touch. I am an extremely touchy person. Most people have a bubble. I myself, do not. It gets me into trouble. Like this.
On Sunday, we had stake conference. And the stake center for me is a half hour drive. Not to mention, it snowed a couple of inches while I was in church. So I decided to spend the day at my friend's house and wait for it to clear off. We had lunch, played some games, and decided to watch a movie. Now there were two guys there, who are both adorable and I am pretty good friends with one, and the other I had just met that day. So I'm sitting on the couch getting ready to watch the movie. I'm in the corner, the couch isn't facing the TV. Its that awkward against the wall type couch moments. Anyways, the newbie, lets call him Braces for now (which also can explain some things), comes to sit on the couch next to me. I was like "Score! Foot rest!" Honestly the only thoughts in my head. Then Braces decided to lay his head in my lap. For me, its not a big deal. I end up giving him a head massage cause that's what I do. As the movie continues, he gets more cuddly. Like holding hands, footsie type of things. By the end of the movie, he decided to ask me if I wanted to do something this weekend. Aka Valentines Day. I was like HELL no. (Pardon my french.) I didn't actually say it to his face but oh was I thinking it. So he got my number, and I was like whatever. He's kind of cute, a really good cuddler, but other than that, I'm not too interested right now.
Well Monday comes along, he texts me, he talks to me on Facebook, and sends me a good night text. So what was for me just another night of cuddling with somebody (It happens, okay?), to him meant a lot more. He has since then weaseled his way into my Violent Times party, along with a concert tonight. The more forward he is being, the more it makes me back off. It's kind of unattractive to me. I know, I have problems. It's just too much too soon, I mean I only met him 4 days ago. Back off a little. So a harmless little cuddling night has turned into a horror movie for me, a person who's physical touchiness gets her into trouble.
More stories to come. Stay tuned.
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