APDA (Awkward Public Displays of Affection)

I have recently decided that Provo has more awkward couples than any other city in the world. First of all, there is already a high number of awkward people here, just in general. Now take these people and put them in relationships with one another, and ladies and gentlemen you have just entered the land of awkward couples. Here are some awkward moments in Provo's dating history that I unfortunately witnessed firsthand.

The Eye-Gazers

One day, when sitting on a bench, eating my lunch, and minding my own business I look across the way and observe a couple sitting on the bench opposite me. The girl was sitting on her boyfriend's lap with her arms around his neck. With their noses touching they were staring deeply into each other's eyes. I'm not kidding, they did not say a single word for 10 minutes. Seriously, it would have been more comfortable for the people  around them if they had been making out.

The Spooners

 I don't know if it's the lack of caffeine around here, but people have no shame about sleeping on campus at this school. I have to admit, I have taken my fair share of naps on lawns and the occasional bench. Some days you really just can't function any longer unless you get a few minutes of sleep. However, I find it pretty awkward when, while walking to class, I notice a couple spooning it up (no pun intended) while taking their nap on the lawn outside the Talmage Building. Really people?

The Head Strokers

I think we have all had the unfortunate experience of sitting in class or church behind one one of these couples. Please allow me to explain.
The girlfriend spends the entire hour stroking her boyfriend's head, neck, cheeks, forehead, and ears. Even though you don't want to look, you can't help it because the awkward head stroking is going on directly in between you and your professor. If it weren't offensive, I'd love to lean forward and request that said girl kindly keep her hands away from her boyfriend's earlobes while in public.

The Football Couple

While at a football game once, I witnessed a couple kissing, cuddling, sitting on each others' laps, etc. I doubt they had any idea what was going on in the game. Now, it's fairly typical to see a couple like this at a football game, however this is what made the situation so memorable for me- I looked down and happened to notice a little hand poking out from under their seats. Why yes, like any good parents, they had stashed their baby under the bench for safe keeping while they awkwardly cuddled and kissed.

Moral of this post:
Dating Rule # 71: Please don't be the couple that makes everyone gag when they see your awkward public displays of affection.

Thanks,
The Cautious Charmer

Subconscious texting. Not advisable.

So everyone has THOSE guy friends. The ones that you hang out with all the time, talk about everything with, feel super comfortable around, and would secretly date in a heartbeat if you thought you had a chance. Well, I have a story about one of THOSE. His name is Col. Mustard.

A little more about Col Mustard and I:  We have this very open relationship in which we share dating woes and worries. It is not uncommon for him to come to me in need of advice or a good talk. It is also not uncommon for me to return home after said talk and dramatically exclaim to my roommates, "I WANT TO DATE COL MUSTARD! WHY DOESN'T HE WANT TO DATE ME!?!" After flopping on The Friendly Kisser's bed for a minute, I move on until the next time I talk to him. This has been happening for 2 months.

I know, pathetic. So last week, I decided to take action: I was going to tell Col. Mustard that I liked him. Or at least to take me on a date. After a roommate pump up talk about "taking the initiative", I was pretty convinced. I COULD DO IT!!

Ha. Yeah right.

The morning following this decision, I had a message from Col. Mustard on facebook. I had an unread message from him informing me that he had gone on a date with another girl. That was the third date Col. Mustard had been on in one week!! However, I was still determined. In exasperation, I texted The Friendly Kisser.

"Ha. Col. Mustard went on another date last night. WHY AM I GOING TO DO THIS!?"

No response.

Hmm.. that's funny. *check phone* Oh, that's why. I didn't send it to The Friendly Kisser. Silly me. I sent it to COL. MUSTARD!!

Yes, his name was in it and everything. To top it off, I sent him a follow up text apologizing and expressing embarrassment, therefore ruining all chances of a cover up. He finally answered and played it super cool.. telling me that it was no big deal and then asking about my day.

Dating Rule #55: When texting your roommate about the person you like, TRIPLE check the send-to number. Your sub-conscious might accidentally send it to the very man you're texting about. This can only lead to trauma and embarrassment.  

So, what has come of all this?? Absolutely nothing!! Sending him that text has scared me back into my state of secrecy and sadness. Yes, I still want him to ask me on a date. No, I don't have the confidence to tell him. Could this possibly be the reason why I seem to never find love in Provo? Indubitably.

Did he understand the true meaning of my text? Does he know of my feelings? How does he feel in response? Oh to know that mind of a man.

The One-Timer: Over and Out.

The day I was brave.

To preface this story, I am a complete wimp when it comes to talking about my feelings. I've never been good at it. My first boyfriend in high school always wanted to talk and find out what I was thinking and feeling and I wanted no part in it. And then I broke up with him.
The past couple of months, I've been getting better, but I'm still slightly awkward in most moments involving emotion.

So there is a lot of history between myself and Stonewall Jackson. We dated for a number of months our freshman year of college and then he left for two years. Upon his return this past March, I think we both fully anticipated dating again. However, after a few dates, I realized that I had no interest in him. It was a very confusing time for me. After about 2 months of living in unknown territory, he forced me to talk and I told him my lack of interest in dating him. He, however, had opposite opinions about the matter. We parted in an awkward manner, with his heartbroken and me feeling miserable because I feared I had just lost a very dear friend.
We didn't speak for 3 months.
Then on one fateful day about 4 weeks ago, I saw him. I freaked out. This reaction was entirely unexpected. Yet wildly pounding heart and inability to speak were my natural first reactions to seeing him.We finally spoke and exchanged pleasantries. It was awkward, but I was reminded of exactly how hilarious he is. I had the strangest feelings... it wasn't that I was interested in Stonewall again, but I did realize that I wanted to be friends with him again and that I wasn't entirely opposed to the idea of seeing if something could happen between us. But how on the earth was I supposed to portray this feeling to him?! If I was him, I would be ticked... I broke his heart, we didn't speak for months, and then I come to him saying we need to talk. I would've exclaimed my frustration at him ruining of my attempts to get over him. How was I supposed to get in a situation where I could talk to him?

Then I had an inspiring conversation with my roommate. Why must relationships be so terrifying? Why can't we all just tell each other what we're thinking and get rid of the absolute confusion that comes with dating? Honestly, what do you have to lose? If it doesn't work out, then why not find out now and not waste your time worrying about it? But if it does work, why wait?

So I was pumped up and ready to take on the world. I was terrified, but I texted Stonewall Jackson and said I needed to talk to him. I decided that if I just laid it all out on the line and left nothing for wondering, then he would have no room to b angry. So that's exactly what I did.
Readers of the world, I have never been so brave in my entire life.
I showed up at his apartment at midnight. He looked at me like I was insane. I told him everything I was thinking and feeling. I didn't leave anything out, and then he completely shut me down and didn't respond. And I felt fantastic! If we're not able to be friends again, I'm fine with it because that is his choice. And that is (most likely) the end of the saga of Stonewall Jackson.

Dating Rule #84: Don't be terrified to tell someone how you feel. Ever.

The Friendly Kisser - who no longer runs away from her feelings

Fail.

've thought a hard, long time about a name to give this boy. Many have come to mind, but for the sake of innocent ears, we'll call this guy The Tool. 

He's tall, dark, and handsome. I was vulnerable. I kissed okay I'M SORRY! We were camping with friends, I was tired, and it just kinda happened. It dawned on me in the middle of kissing him that I had no earthly idea if he liked me. So I backed up and in my cutest, most charming voice, I politely said: "You know, if you're a tool I'm gonna be reallllly disappointed...." 

Dating rule #15: If you're asking someone you are kissing if he's a tool, you most likely should not be kissing him. 

He laughed a little and played it cool. "Nahhhh, I'm not a tool."

Not only is he an absolute and complete tool, but he's a liar. Am I bitter? Yes. I've never been played, and the emotions of it are a little weird. I genuinely liked the guy. He smooth talked his little way into my life and left it without a word, and now I see him everyday and I say hello and smile and look like a babe, when what I really want to do is punch him in the face once, maybe even twice.

Shortly after this awful experience with The Tool, his best friend, The Goob, asked me on a date. The Goob is a sweetie and I thought it would be fun, so sure, I'll go. Let me explain this date to you.

Longboarding down a canyon at night with no helmet, (all I wanted to do was eat my fruit snacks and drink my juice!) I wiped out hard and got a concussion and a possible fracture in my elbow. There is still something protruding from it.

First date back at college: played.

Second date back at college: concussion and fracture.

I've recently been researching the profession of being a nun. It's been looking especially appealing lately. 

Back to blogging, faithfully,

The Heartbreaker

Love is Blind

Is it possible to be in love with someone who has absolutely no idea you even like him or her?

Well, since I've never been in love before, I'm probably not the one to ask. However, I can tell you that the boy I came closest to being in love with still has no clue how much I cared about him.

We will call him The Best Friend.

I met The Best Friend back when I was 15. I didn't know him very well until our senior year of high school. We had a few classes together and had the same group of friends that year. We started hanging out all the time and just did random stuff together. Temple trips, movie nights, Wendy's runs, night sledding, nickelcade, spontaneous drives to the whisper dome. Probably the thing I liked most about the Best Friend was that I could talk to him forever. Every couple weeks we would have a sports movie night, but we'd usually end up talking through the entire thing and not watch more than 10 minutes of it. Whenever we'd hang out in big groups we would leave the same time and then talk for another hour or two before actually getting in our cars and going home. I never expected to fall for the Best Friend, but as I got to know him I just couldn't help it. I loved everything about him. He was a total guy. He loved sports, was totally fine with wearing T-shirts and baseball caps every day, had no clue how girls think, and wasn't a pansy about anything. I liked that. He could get really surly sometimes, but I just thought it was hilarious and would make fun of him all the time for it. Even though he could be sarcastic, moody, negative, and impatient, I looked past all these imperfections because I could see his potential.
I always planned on telling The Best Friend that I liked him, but something always seemed to get in the way. Throughout high school he liked three of my best friends, so that was slightly problematic. I thought maybe something would happen when we left for college, but unfortunately he was still hung up on one of these girls at the time. I thought maybe if he dated someone else I'd be able to get over him. However, he's a chicken when it comes to relationships, so he never did anything about this other girl, which drove me insane. Instead, things just kept going on like they always had. We'd go on walks, shoot hoops, have movie nights, go hot tubbing, he'd come volunteer with me every weekend because I needed service hours for a class. As the semester went on, I just kept falling harder for him.
After a year of being head over heels for this kid, I realized how draining it was to care about someone so much who doesn't care about you in the same way. I was sick of waiting for him, so I decided to get over him. Easier said than done. I told everyone I didn't like him, I tried to focus on all the reasons I shouldn't like him, but how could I get over him when I cared so much about him as my best friend? It also didn't help that we still did things together all the time. The only reason I finally stopped liking The Best Friend was that he left on his mission and is now half a world away.
That was 8 months ago. Looking back, I realize that the person I was when I was around The Best Friend, was not my best self. He didn't make me want to be a better person. However, when I was in the moment, being with The Best Friend was all I could imagine ever wanting. Pretty pathetic right? I knew and accepted The Best Friend's faults but didn't realize how much of an influence those had on me. It scares me that this could happen again and I'll fall in love with someone who isn't good for me. But then again, maybe all of this happened so that I could learn a very important dating rule #27 If the person you are dating does not make you want to be a better person or vice versa, you probably aren't right for each other.

-The Cautious Charmer

Of Mice and Married Men

What are your thoughts on continuing to be friends with members of the opposite sex once you are married?
I definitely have my opinions on the matter, but they appear to differ from the opinions of some married gentlemen I know.

Yes, I do think you can continue to be friends after you've gotten married. I mean seriously, you can't just stop talking to half of the population just because you have been wed. But I also think that the friendship can not be the same as it was while they were single. I don't know about the rest of ya'll but I am just a naturally flirty person, that's my typical way of communicating with men, and that is not appropriate when said man is married. You can definitely still be friends and still care about the person, but you should not mess with the line between friendly and flirty.

This concern of mine stems from an experience or two that I've had in the last few weeks. I will explain the most pertinent one: I know I've mentioned Mr. Wickham before - when I said I went to his wedding about a month ago - and I promise that you will hear his story soon enough, but suffice it to say that we had a kind of fling back in March, then he got engaged and I was crushed. I just barely fully got over him right before his wedding. And then you'll never guess what has happened:
I have a class with him this semester.

We had signed up for this class together back in March, and I had completely forgotten about that fact until he texted me the day before classes started to make sure that I was still in the class with him. After a mild freak out, frantic attempts to change my schedule, and him texting me multiple times begging me not to drop it, I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to be in a class with Wickham. I was bothered that he was begging me to be in this class. I just wanted to shout, "YOU'RE MARRIED!!!" It would be slightly weird, but still fine, if he was talking to any other girl, but this was not so fine because not that long ago we were emotionally involved. So I felt uncomfortable about it. But it has turned out to be fine. We sit on the back row next to a rather pleasant fellow and the three of us talk through a good portion of the class. I promise that I have zero emotional attachment left for him. But I am glad we're still able to be friends, or at least friendly. But it's such a strange situation. I just really don't think that he knows how to be a married man yet. He needs to work on that.

-The Friendly Kisser