So I went on that date with Rand. It was so fun, which made it harder.
Don't you just hate when there's a boy who is wonderful and funny, but you know a relationship between the two of you just wouldn't work out? Yeah, that's how it is with Rand. And it's awful.
I was sick of the drama and the confusion and of feeling like I was second best, and I wasn't letting this date end without demanding an explanation from him. We had a really great conversation and he completely explained why he was acting the way that he was and why he had changed his mind about me multiple times in the matter of a week... he was just so confused about what he was thinking and feeling, plus the whole thing with The One Timer had kind of gotten blown out of proportion due to the fact that all of our friends are in each others lives. Basically, I wasn't angry anymore at all - I just felt so sad for Rand because of his confusion and frustration and lack of confidence.
And I learned Dating Rule #96: People generally have good intentions; give them the opportunity to explain themselves before jumping to hasty conclusions.
In the end he said that he wasn't ready for a relationship, but he wanted to keep going on dates and spending time together... I thought about it for a second, but there was no way I could agree to that. I was still hurt and confused by what had gone down and I didn't think I could handle going on dates with him right now. So we left that date deciding just to be friends. I knew it was going to be kind of hard at first, but I figured that he would eventually realize as I had that a relationship wouldn't work out between us.
Yeah, fail.
It's been a month since that time and Rand is still hanging around but we've never further discussed what's going on between us. I see him multiple times a week because two of his best friends are currently dating two of my roommates, so he is just always there. I have a hard time figuring out what's happening between us. And I'm pretty sure he is still interested in me. But I don't want anything to happen between us. That boy is so dramatic and kind of immature and I don't think I can handle it. Yet, I still find him fascinating and wonderful and am still sometimes attracted to him. I seriously love him to death, but not in a romantic way... but I don't think he would agree. He started the flirting again a week or two ago. I am just a naturally flirty person, so whenever he is around, I have to take special precautions not to lead him on and and flirt with him. Somedays I am much better at this than others.
Basically, he is still obviously interested in me and I am definitely not interested in him any longer, and now I don't know what to do. He is wonderful and in some ways I still do like him, but there are just somethings about him that drive me crazy and we would never work out. I felt so bad about it at first because I know he's still interested, but it's been so long and he is still just hanging on, even though I haven't given him any reason to, so it's to the point that sometimes I just feel indifferent about it.
Don't think I'm heartless - though you probably wouldn't be the first to think that.
But why won't he just get the hint and stop trying to make something happen with us and just accept that all we're ever going to be is friends.
He stresses me out. And I feel bad when he hears about or sees me with Bodhai (the story which I will recap next time). I don't want to hurt him, but I also don't want to date him...
Oh my life. And oh that boy. He has created so much stress/drama in my life.
Friendly Kisser. Peacing out.
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