APDA (Awkward Public Displays of Affection)

I have recently decided that Provo has more awkward couples than any other city in the world. First of all, there is already a high number of awkward people here, just in general. Now take these people and put them in relationships with one another, and ladies and gentlemen you have just entered the land of awkward couples. Here are some awkward moments in Provo's dating history that I unfortunately witnessed firsthand.

The Eye-Gazers

One day, when sitting on a bench, eating my lunch, and minding my own business I look across the way and observe a couple sitting on the bench opposite me. The girl was sitting on her boyfriend's lap with her arms around his neck. With their noses touching they were staring deeply into each other's eyes. I'm not kidding, they did not say a single word for 10 minutes. Seriously, it would have been more comfortable for the people  around them if they had been making out.

The Spooners

 I don't know if it's the lack of caffeine around here, but people have no shame about sleeping on campus at this school. I have to admit, I have taken my fair share of naps on lawns and the occasional bench. Some days you really just can't function any longer unless you get a few minutes of sleep. However, I find it pretty awkward when, while walking to class, I notice a couple spooning it up (no pun intended) while taking their nap on the lawn outside the Talmage Building. Really people?

The Head Strokers

I think we have all had the unfortunate experience of sitting in class or church behind one one of these couples. Please allow me to explain.
The girlfriend spends the entire hour stroking her boyfriend's head, neck, cheeks, forehead, and ears. Even though you don't want to look, you can't help it because the awkward head stroking is going on directly in between you and your professor. If it weren't offensive, I'd love to lean forward and request that said girl kindly keep her hands away from her boyfriend's earlobes while in public.

The Football Couple

While at a football game once, I witnessed a couple kissing, cuddling, sitting on each others' laps, etc. I doubt they had any idea what was going on in the game. Now, it's fairly typical to see a couple like this at a football game, however this is what made the situation so memorable for me- I looked down and happened to notice a little hand poking out from under their seats. Why yes, like any good parents, they had stashed their baby under the bench for safe keeping while they awkwardly cuddled and kissed.

Moral of this post:
Dating Rule # 71: Please don't be the couple that makes everyone gag when they see your awkward public displays of affection.

Thanks,
The Cautious Charmer