Subconscious texting. Not advisable.

So everyone has THOSE guy friends. The ones that you hang out with all the time, talk about everything with, feel super comfortable around, and would secretly date in a heartbeat if you thought you had a chance. Well, I have a story about one of THOSE. His name is Col. Mustard.

A little more about Col Mustard and I:  We have this very open relationship in which we share dating woes and worries. It is not uncommon for him to come to me in need of advice or a good talk. It is also not uncommon for me to return home after said talk and dramatically exclaim to my roommates, "I WANT TO DATE COL MUSTARD! WHY DOESN'T HE WANT TO DATE ME!?!" After flopping on The Friendly Kisser's bed for a minute, I move on until the next time I talk to him. This has been happening for 2 months.

I know, pathetic. So last week, I decided to take action: I was going to tell Col. Mustard that I liked him. Or at least to take me on a date. After a roommate pump up talk about "taking the initiative", I was pretty convinced. I COULD DO IT!!

Ha. Yeah right.

The morning following this decision, I had a message from Col. Mustard on facebook. I had an unread message from him informing me that he had gone on a date with another girl. That was the third date Col. Mustard had been on in one week!! However, I was still determined. In exasperation, I texted The Friendly Kisser.

"Ha. Col. Mustard went on another date last night. WHY AM I GOING TO DO THIS!?"

No response.

Hmm.. that's funny. *check phone* Oh, that's why. I didn't send it to The Friendly Kisser. Silly me. I sent it to COL. MUSTARD!!

Yes, his name was in it and everything. To top it off, I sent him a follow up text apologizing and expressing embarrassment, therefore ruining all chances of a cover up. He finally answered and played it super cool.. telling me that it was no big deal and then asking about my day.

Dating Rule #55: When texting your roommate about the person you like, TRIPLE check the send-to number. Your sub-conscious might accidentally send it to the very man you're texting about. This can only lead to trauma and embarrassment.  

So, what has come of all this?? Absolutely nothing!! Sending him that text has scared me back into my state of secrecy and sadness. Yes, I still want him to ask me on a date. No, I don't have the confidence to tell him. Could this possibly be the reason why I seem to never find love in Provo? Indubitably.

Did he understand the true meaning of my text? Does he know of my feelings? How does he feel in response? Oh to know that mind of a man.

The One-Timer: Over and Out.