Love is Blind

Is it possible to be in love with someone who has absolutely no idea you even like him or her?

Well, since I've never been in love before, I'm probably not the one to ask. However, I can tell you that the boy I came closest to being in love with still has no clue how much I cared about him.

We will call him The Best Friend.

I met The Best Friend back when I was 15. I didn't know him very well until our senior year of high school. We had a few classes together and had the same group of friends that year. We started hanging out all the time and just did random stuff together. Temple trips, movie nights, Wendy's runs, night sledding, nickelcade, spontaneous drives to the whisper dome. Probably the thing I liked most about the Best Friend was that I could talk to him forever. Every couple weeks we would have a sports movie night, but we'd usually end up talking through the entire thing and not watch more than 10 minutes of it. Whenever we'd hang out in big groups we would leave the same time and then talk for another hour or two before actually getting in our cars and going home. I never expected to fall for the Best Friend, but as I got to know him I just couldn't help it. I loved everything about him. He was a total guy. He loved sports, was totally fine with wearing T-shirts and baseball caps every day, had no clue how girls think, and wasn't a pansy about anything. I liked that. He could get really surly sometimes, but I just thought it was hilarious and would make fun of him all the time for it. Even though he could be sarcastic, moody, negative, and impatient, I looked past all these imperfections because I could see his potential.
I always planned on telling The Best Friend that I liked him, but something always seemed to get in the way. Throughout high school he liked three of my best friends, so that was slightly problematic. I thought maybe something would happen when we left for college, but unfortunately he was still hung up on one of these girls at the time. I thought maybe if he dated someone else I'd be able to get over him. However, he's a chicken when it comes to relationships, so he never did anything about this other girl, which drove me insane. Instead, things just kept going on like they always had. We'd go on walks, shoot hoops, have movie nights, go hot tubbing, he'd come volunteer with me every weekend because I needed service hours for a class. As the semester went on, I just kept falling harder for him.
After a year of being head over heels for this kid, I realized how draining it was to care about someone so much who doesn't care about you in the same way. I was sick of waiting for him, so I decided to get over him. Easier said than done. I told everyone I didn't like him, I tried to focus on all the reasons I shouldn't like him, but how could I get over him when I cared so much about him as my best friend? It also didn't help that we still did things together all the time. The only reason I finally stopped liking The Best Friend was that he left on his mission and is now half a world away.
That was 8 months ago. Looking back, I realize that the person I was when I was around The Best Friend, was not my best self. He didn't make me want to be a better person. However, when I was in the moment, being with The Best Friend was all I could imagine ever wanting. Pretty pathetic right? I knew and accepted The Best Friend's faults but didn't realize how much of an influence those had on me. It scares me that this could happen again and I'll fall in love with someone who isn't good for me. But then again, maybe all of this happened so that I could learn a very important dating rule #27 If the person you are dating does not make you want to be a better person or vice versa, you probably aren't right for each other.

-The Cautious Charmer