Call Me Shaniqua Jackson

Back in October, I wrote about a blind date I went on with my coworker's cousin. (You can read that story here) We attended a Murder Mystery Dinner, and unfortunately, my night wasn't quite as enjoyable as I would have hoped. While on the date, I met my coworker's brother who we will call Tyrone. I didn't talk to him much that night, and since he was dressed like a mechanic from the 20s, I never actually saw what he looked like. However, when I got to work the next week, my coworker informed me that Tyrone thought I was cute and wanted to ask me out. I didn't have any objections, so I told her she could give him my number.

A few weeks later, Tyrone called me and asked me out. That weekend we went to dinner, bowling, and croqueting (is that even a word?). Let me just say, I have NEVER been treated better on a date. Every door was opened for me, we went to a really nice restaurant, he complimented me on my outfit, and he told me how exciting and great all my life plans and ideas were. By the end of the night he'd spent over $60 dollars on me. I've never had anyone spend that much money on me on a first date. I'm definitely not high maintenance and would be perfectly happy with a date that didn't cost anything, so this was a little overwhelming for me! Anyway, the point is Tyrone was one of the sweetest guys I've ever met.

As great as this all sounds, Tyrone and I were just too different from each other for anything to happen. Mostly, I don't think he understood my sense of humor. For example, when we went bowling I told him we should make up names for each other. He didn't know what to choose so I suggested we pick black names. He stood there for a minute, then turned to me in utter confusion and said, "Like...the race???" I said, something like, "Well, you know like Shaniqua, or something like that." Obviously still confused he turned back to the computer and said, "Oh, okay...right." After a few moments, he still couldn't come up with anything, so he suggested I enter his name first. I named him something ridiculous and stupid like Jareniqua Tyrone. He then confidently declared, "Okay, I got a good one." His choice: Shaniqua Jackson. He clearly still had no idea what I meant, repeated my example of Shaniqua, and then pulled Jackson out of who knows where. Michael Jackson, maybe? He was black...well you know, sort of.

Unfortunately for Tyrone, the nice guy did finish last this time. But he'll be great for someone, just not me.

And hopefully, I'll be great for someone someday too.

Until then,
The Cautious Charmer

The Tale of Wickham (part 2)

When last we parted (here), I had recounted to you the rise and abrupt ending of my almost relationship with Mr. Wickham this past spring. Here is the end of that story. The part where my heart was a little bit crushed.

He left for the summer and I was distraught. Futile attempts to communicate with him occurred within the first few weeks after his departure. But they were for naught. I was deeply saddened. Then at the end of the third week a mass text message was received from Mr. Wickham saying something to the effect of:
"I'm engaged!"
This was obviously a joke... but upon further inquiry of both the boy and his friends, it was determined that this engagement was indeed the truth. I was in complete shock and heartbreak and confusion. 4 weeks earlier I had been holding hands with this boy, and now he was engaged? What is this world coming to?!
So here's what allegedly happened:
Mr. Wickham had been home for a week and all of the sudden started missing his ex-girlfriend, Ms. Diva.  He brushed it off, assuming that home just reminded him of her. The second week he was still feeling the same. And then the third week came and he decided that he was actually in love with Ms. Diva. And thus he went out and dropped a small fortune on an engagement ring. Having not seen, spoken to, or heard from Ms. Diva in over three months, THREE MONTHS, he showed up at her door, expressed his newly discovered love for her, and dropped a knee. As is to be expected, Ms. Diva was shocked and asked for some time to think about it. The very next day, she gave him an affirmative answer and voila: engaged.

Maybe my heart was just too fully invested in this boy and that clouded my judgement a bit, but doesn't this sound slightly crazy?

Answer: yes.

So the man was engaged and I was stuck in that awful place where you know you absolutely have to get over someone, but know that you absolutely can not do so. I was heartbroken like nothing I'd ever experienced before. I couldn't handle my own emotions at times. But alas, I persevered. After a couple months of sadness, not a constant sadness but the kind of sadness that came when I got a moment alone with my thoughts, which always drifted back to him... yes after all that, I did it. I got over him. I realized that I lucked out and avoided a relationship with a crazy person. I realized that I had been good enough friends with him before this whole debacle to be able to honestly say that I hoped he was happy. Even if it hurt me, I truly was glad that he was doing what he thought would make him happy in life. Mr. Wickham was a dear boy, but it has all worked out for the best and he is now married - here's to hoping he's happy!

The Friendly Kisser (though clearly not in this situation)

ZOMBIE SLAYER

This week's greatest accomplishment: I SLAYED A ZOMBIE. 

For more on Zombie Boy please read previous post. I'm going to pretend most of you are caught up on things and know that Zombie Boy has been haunting my heart on and off for about 6 years. 

So, lately, I've been getting quite tired of constantly being on guard. If he texts me, I run into him, I see something that reminds me of him (etc. etc.), my feelings creep back. It's especially frustrating when absolutely nothing substantial happens. I feel chemistry and would swear on my life he did too... if it wasn't for the fact that HE DOES NOTHING ABOUT IT. 

With this in mind, I made a big decision. I wasn't finding closure on my own, so I was going to talk to him. 

Probably comparable to fighting a Zombie with a kitchen knife. 

Anyway...

Dating Rule #78: When trying to be brave and show/tell a boy how you feel, your first attempt will almost always certainly fail. 

However, two days later he played right into my ploy when HE asked me to go up to South Jordan. After an entire evening of fun and laughter and pleasantness, we drove home together. I knew my roommates would be waiting with knives if I came home without having talked to him... so around Lehi, I dove in. 

I started with our Sophomore year of High School and told him all. My feelings then, my feelings now, how hard it was for me, how confused I have been since, how terrified I was for him to come from his mission, how I still had feelings for him now and didn't know what to do... EVERYTHING. Let me tell ya, it felt good. 

Then, I demanded answers. Now I don't recommend this to any two people, but Zombie Boy and I go way back. It was actually pretty natural for us to talk about it all. He was absolutely wonderful and gave me the closure I needed. I finally understand what he was thinking and IS thinking. 

How did this lovely convo end? I looked him in the eye and simply said, "I'm going to let go and move on." 

I don't ever remember words tasting so good. Because it was true! I felt a huge burden lifted. So much so that I may have been in complete shock/broken down crying after my roommates mobbed me for information. 

Ladies (and Gentlemen, if you're here) I firmly believe that communication can do amazing things. Whoever knew that all you really need to kill a Zombie is a good, long conversation. 

And the best part? We're still great friends. In fact, maybe better. 

The One Timer: Over and Out

Snow Project

Fizzle: When two people are mutually interested in one another and go on a series of dates, only to have these feelings fade away and come to nothing. 

My life is full of fizzles. Sometimes these fizzles last for one date, sometimes 5. This specific fizzle lasted a good 5 dates. His name was Cap'n.

It all took place about a year ago. Cap'n was in my ward, asked me on a date, and I actually liked him! life was great. However, after week three or four I kinda changed my mind. I might've just been scared, or just stopped liking him... I'm not sure. All I know is that I kinda stopped reciprocating and it died off. 

Fast forward one year: Cap'n is still one of my really good friends and I see him all the time! The other day, he sent me an email. 

(Oh, and I didn't mention this, but he used to always tell me that he was going to make it his goal to get me to LOVE snow.)

Here is the email. I'm literally copying and pasting.. these are his words. 

Remember that one time long ago when I told you that I could get you to like snow? I was cleaning out my computer and I uncovered my list of ideas from brainstorming about the problem. Would you like to see it? :)

Enjoy.

[Cap'n]


PROJECT SNOW
Beautiful moonlit snowscape up in the mountains—but still warm.
Snow on bare trees+sunlight is delightful.
Dancing in the snow
Temple square.
Make snowflakes
Hot-chocolate or hot tang/cider thermos in the snow
Snow angels
Snow man
Snow fight
Sledding
Snow shoeing
…nwj?
Catch snowflakes in mouth
Listening to the sound of snow—no talking, just taking in the quiet moment away from civilization etc…
Walk in the snow?
Barnes and noble, walk with starbucks
Bundle up with joy
Matching beanies
Pea coats.
Fireplace at hotel (something planned beforehand to make it special—hand delivered toast and cocoa or something)
Holding hands... to keep warm.
Sing snow songs. (Let it snow, let it snow, Dashing through the snow, winter wonderland, silent night etc…)
Snow hugs.
Christmas lights and christmas street etc…
Christmas tree hunting or just looking around at a lot.
Ice skating? :S
Shoveling other people's walks.

This, my friends, is the most adorable thing I have ever read. I may completely regret this fizzle. What was I thinking!?! 

Dating Rule #72: Don't EVER let things fizzle with a boy who has romantic things like this up his sleeve. 

The One Timer: Over and Out.   

Mr. Wickham was Irresistible (part 1)

Well folks, the time has come for the story of Mr. Wickham. It's one of the most outrageous stories I've ever heard, and now that I'm over him, I'm kind of thrilled to claim that I play at least a small role in the story because it is so unbelievably ridiculous. Be prepared: it's complicated and long. But alas, all good stories are.

So once upon a time in January, my roommate and I became perfectly lovely best friends with this group of 4 boys. They were funny and welcoming and comfortable to be around. And when I say best friends, I actually mean that we latched on to them with more ferocity than expected and then proceeded to spend hours every evening in their apartment when we were supposed to be studying. We didn't take the time to get to know anyone else in our vicinity. We had our friends, and we were fine with that not changing.
Well, as time went on, Mr. Wickham and I developed a tight bond. Whenever we hung out with them (which was every night) I would typically end up talking to him the entire time. However, he had a long distance girlfriend (Ms. Diva), so I never thought anything of it. As a general rule, I try not to fraternize with boys that have girlfriends. But then, on one fateful weekend trip to St. George, it was revealed that Mr. Wickham had broken up with his girlfriend earlier that week.
"Oh, that's weird. They've been dating for a while," was all that crossed my mind.
And then all of a sudden the next day, it hit me like a ton of bricks: I liked Mr. Wickham. A LOT.
When did this happen? How did this happen? It was completely without my planning and consent that this had occurred.
Welp, there it was. I liked him. I was fine with it.
So in the ensuing weeks, life proceeded on as normal. We visited their apartment nightly. Lots of flirting was exchanged between the two of us. It was lovely. And it was apparent to all, or so we thought, that he was returning the sentiment that I felt toward him.
Near the end of that semester, a trip was taken to a friend's cabin. That was a weekend filled with excitement and laughter and friendship. That was also the weekend that Mr. Wickham held my hand, and my heart was all a-flutter. I was thrilled, and understandably so.
I was on cloud nine and nothing could pull me down. My adoration for this boy was greater than for any that I had ever experienced.
To the sadness of my heart, he was moving back home for the summer and he left at the end of the next week. We never talked about what had transpired between the two of us. He left the state for the next 4 months... leaving me in a state of endless confusion and sorrow.
The stage is set... Stay tuned for the dramatic conclusion.

Friendly Kisser. Peacing Out.

Dates are Great. (Especially When You Plan them Yourself)

Sometimes guys just don't understand how to plan a good first date. If they would just follow a few guidelines, it wouldn't be too hard. Don't make it too long. Simple is good. Be on time. Don't be so overeager in your flirting that you act like a creep. Do something fun where you still have a chance to get to know each other. And basically, just follow our Dating Rules. Again, not too hard right? Well, all too often dates don't end up going this way, and you're left counting the minutes until your date takes you home. Solution? Plan it yourself! A couple weeks ago, that's just what The One Timer and I did. We decided to take the initiative and ask guys out that we had at least a little bit of interest in. Seeing that The One Timer's attempt at taking the initiative was not conveyed so smoothly the first time (see this post), Colonel Mustard was an obvious choice for her. As for myself, I asked one of our other friends who I had a crush on. We'll call him Louis Armstrong.

I must say, The One Timer and I planned an awesome date. This past summer, while on the trip that inspired this blog, The One Timer, The Heartbreaker, The Friendly Kisser and I discovered that we love tandem biking. Naturally, for our date we decided to rent tandem bikes, have a picnic, and wander around in a really awesome toy shop near our house. It was SO much fun. The leaves were beautiful as we biked alongside the river in the perfect fall weather. Louis Armstrong and I had a hula hoop competition, a pretend gun fight, and helped complete the world's largest crossword puzzle. Then we had a tandem bike race home against The One Timer and Colonel Mustard, which we obviously won. It was simple, but we all had a great time. You may be wondering what happened with Colonel Mustard and Louis Armstrong. Well, despite the awesomeness of this date, The One Timer and I don't really have any interest in them anymore (anticlimactic, I know). But the moral of the story is...

If you are in need of a good date, just plan it yourself. (Or The One Timer and I would be happy to plan it for you.)

-The Cautious Charmer

Mr. Green in the Closet with the Revolver

I think I'll follow in the footsteps of the One Timer and write a Halloween themed post for you. Get ready, this story is full of mystery, murder, and well...disappointment.
About a month or so ago my coworker decided to set me up with her cousin, Mr. Green. After a little facebook stalking, I agreed to this plan. After all, I do love a good blind date. Unfortunately, from my experience, only about 10% of blind dates fall into this category. Nevertheless, I decided to hope for the best and try my luck. After Mr. Green called me to officially ask me out, I was actually pretty excited for this date. He seemed really nice and funny. Half of the excitement was that we were going to a Mystery Date Dinner, which I'd never done before, but had always wanted to.
The night of the date, I got all dressed up in my costume and waited for Mr. Green to pick me up. I waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, he showed up 35 minutes late. According to Mr. Green, he had been playing Ultimate Frisbee and forgotten about the date.
Dating Rule #47- If a boy forgets that he asked you out, it's doubtful that your date will go very well.
I overlooked this rule, and decided to still give Mr. Green a chance. He was very easy to talk to, super funny, and overall a really great guy. On the drive to the dinner we had a great conversation, and I felt assured that this would be a night that would end up in the top 10% of blind dates.
When we got to the dinner, we made an alliance with another couple and attempted to discover the murderer. Throughout the evening, Mr. Green kept making awkward comments about how I needed to meet him in the closet to exchange our answers. Weird. Anyway, things were fine until at the end when I'd gotten all my answers, I decided to break all alliances and try to win on my own. He got really offended and went in the kitchen for a while instead of playing games. Woops. I guess some people take these things very seriously. At the end of the night he said he had fun, but he was mad at me because I'd never met him in the closet. I know he was trying to be funny, but it just ended up being really strange. On the drive home, he made several attempts to make the date longer by suggesting that we go get food, go to a dance party, or that he teach me how to drive stick shift. Don't get me wrong, Mr. Green was a great guy and I had had a lot of fun, but after almost 6 hours, he was starting to get on my nerves. I made excuse after excuse after excuse so finally I think he got the hint and dropped me off.

And that ladies and gentlemen was just another night in the 90% of disappointing blind dates.

-The Cautious Charmer

I've been attacked by a ZOMBIE

Sometimes boys are like Zombies. They keep coming back to life and won’t die, no matter how desperately you want them to.

Being the Halloween season, I think it only appropriate to tell you my ZOMBIE story.

It begins back in High School. Our families became good friends and I inevitably fell for him. It was a good hard crush and nothing more. He even liked me back and we had a mutual “I like you, you like me” elementary school-esque non-relationship. However, after almost a year of that he decided to move on. I was crushed, but slowly got over him. STRIKE ONE.

A year and a half later… we’d both dated other people and had graduated from High School. Just before both coming up to school, Zombie Boy came back to life again. I was SURE that my feelings had completely left! But no. We dated, only to break up before he went on his mission. This time, my heart broke. I didn’t realize how much I cared for Zombie Boy! It was definitely one of those I’m-in-love-so-you-just-shattered-my-universe breakups. Oh, but he had/has no idea how hard that was for me. STRIKE TWO.

He went on a mission. He came home. That was 7 months ago. For the first 6 months of his return, I was quite content with the fact that I had no feelings for him anymore! I had conquered the Zombie!

Alas, he came back to life again.

Just this month, I’ve been seeing him randomly on campus and spending time with him in small spurts. Somehow there is a spark between us again. Curse those Zombies. I don’t know if my heart can handle a Strike Three!

SO, have three options: Wait silently for the Zombie to make the first move (hoping he does), put my heart out on the line and confess my feelings to the Zombie, or find a really effective Machete.

The One Timer: Over and Out.

Rarely are men compared to a Norse god

Now here's a story for you. Oh boy. I have just amazed myself with the gentlemen that I've been attracted to in the recent months. Thor is no exception.
This guy is so different from anyone I have ever had a crush on. He is huge! 6'5" and really ripped. He works out more than anyone I've ever seen. He could probably beat up most everyone that I know. True to the Thor name, he has beautiful blonde hair, which sadly he cut last week, though it's still great. He has a bunch of tattoos, the most visible being the big block letters on his forearms that say Ride to Live, Live to Ride. Which leads me into the fact that he has a motorcycle, and it is beautiful. I am terrified of motorcycles (due to some past bad experiences with dirt bikes) but somehow Thor makes me want to let him help me get over my fear of riding a motorcycle. Needless to say, he's definitely got the Bad-A image going on. But the strange thing is that talking to him, you realize he is the sweetest, most sincere human being in the world. He has had a rough past, but he turned his life around about a year ago, and that gives me so much respect for him.
Thor is in 2 of my classes, so I see him everyday, and our friendship has grown greatly in the last few weeks.  It's not necessarily that I like him, though I am definitely attracted to him. I think it's more that I love being around him because he gives me a different perspective of life and makes me rethink any preconceived notions I've ever had about everything. Also I feel so comfortable around him. There is absolutely no level of judgement, even when I have spazzy moments or make weird noises or am just quiet because I have nothing left to say. He just accepts that I am me and that he may not understand some of the things I do or think, and that it's okay. Thor amazes me with how he handles all of the judgment and self-righteous people that he is surrounded by. He just rolls with it and still loves most everyone. What I like most about him is that he has so much conviction to his personal values. He knows what he believes and he is willing to do whatever it takes to live up to those beliefs. I am perfectly fascinated by his approach to life.
So I don't particularly know what I want to happen with Thor, if I want anything to happen at all... But I do know that I adore him and could spend tons of time getting to know him and learning his story.

The Friendly Kisser.

He's good at scattergories.

I am a secretary. I see some crazy things. But this story from last week takes the cake.
We get lots of packages nearly everyday. There's about 3 different people that typically bring the packages. One of these guys has been coming for nearly a year and in our semi-daily, 30 second encounters, I've become a fan of his foolishness. I know back in March he would tell me about his girlfriend and I had just assumed that they got married over the summer. So last Thursday when he came to pickup a package and he told me that he had "a proposition" for me and to check my schedule for Saturday at 5, I was really confused. So on Friday he comes in and is extremely awkward and finally manages say that he wants to set me up on a date with his friend who is very good at scattergories. I suppose that this could be a good thing, but I took it as a bad sign that the best thing this kids friend could say about him is that he's good at scattergories. But I agreed nevertheless, convinced by the fact that it was a group date and I like the mail-room guys that would be there.

So Saturday came and I was at the football game. I told my date to pick me up half an hour late because I couldn't leave the game early. He didn't seem super understanding of that, so that was a bad sign. I don't know if I would ever like a boy that doesn't watch football.

And then the date... So the other 6 couples on this date all knew each other really well (2 of them were even married). And they were all aware of the strange situation of our blind date: I got set up on a date by someone that I don't even really know.

So the night was a blast, but the date wasn't particularly fun... I don't know if that makes sense, but that's how it was. Everyone we were with was so fun and we played hilarious games and watched The Avengers. Overall, some excellent activities. However, my specific date was very awkward. I told my fair share of stories throughout the night (I do that) and all he ever said was "oh. cool." He just gave me no conversation to go on. And then during the games, we were all having fun, but my date kept calling people out for not following the rules exactly. He was getting very upset. I felt very uncomfortable because I didn't know how to respond to such overly competitiveness. So yes, he was definitely good at scattergories. He wasn't the most awkward person I've ever conversed with, but my date definitely was not a comfortable experience.
What a ridiculous situation I was in, which leads me to Dating Rule #29: When being set up on a date, make sure that the responsible party knows you at least a little bit.

Peace n Blessings.
The Friendly Kisser.

Beef, Pork, Chicken... mmm?

Once upon a last month I tried to be a vegetarian. Don't worry, I didn't want to try it forever. Just one month. Unfortunately, around day 7 I couldn't wait until it was over. It was SO hard! I gave up some of my favorite foods for black bean burgers and vegetarian dishes, picked chicken from my salads, and cooked up omelets when everyone else was eating chicken alfredo. True dedication if you ask me! With 8 days left, I got asked out on a date. We'll call him Elmer Fudd. He was a good friend from freshman year and I was super excited.

The date started at 8, so I assumed we wouldn't have dinner. Wrongo! He picked me up and I soon discovered that DINNER was the exact plan.

Now, at this point in the story, I have a riddle for you. Lets see if you can figure it out.

What's expensive and fancy with meat all over?

Bingo! Tucanos. As in, the Brazillian steak house. And that is exactly where we pulled up.

Elmer: "So, I really hope you like meat. Cause.. if you were a vegetarian, this would be REALLY awkward."

......

I kid you not. These exact words came from his mouth.

Dating Rule #91: Sometimes you must make painful sacrifices in order to avoid an extremely awkward situation. 

And that, my friends, is exactly what I did. I ate meat. I only had 8 days left and I had to give in! So now, thanks to Elmer, I can say that I was a vegetarian for exactly 1 month - 1 day.

The One Timer: Over and Out.

Meet the Renaissance Man

Quick note: I saw Stonewall Jackson the other day. He walked right past me and didn't even say hello. So it's looking like we're not going to be friends. But I've accepted that and it's perfectly fine. Now to the real story.

Oh, The Renaissance Man.
Guys, I really don't know what to do about this boy. He is the most fascinating boy I've ever met. Upon first glance, he kind of seems like a tool. But then you get to know him and realize that he's hilarious and legitimately one of the nicest boys ever. And then he starts dancing and breaking it down and you realize that this boy is crazy and has no inhibitions. And THEN he will burst out in song, usually songs from musicals. The boy has all the words of every song from Les Mis memorized. But then he can be shallow and talks about how he only dates gorgeous girls. But then he's a super nerd and shares a lot of the same nerdy passions as me. He is an english major and I can have incredibly intelligent, philosophical conversations with him. And he speaks in abbreves. Always. I've known this boy for months now, and he STILL surprises me with his amazing array of interests, opinions, passions, and talents. He is fascinating and you can't help but absolutely adore him.

Oh yeah, and he's even more of a friendly kisser than I am. He will straight up just kiss any attractive female, and then just stop talking to them. That is the side of him that I am not okay with, and I tell him that often. But don't worry, I haven't kissed him, so it's fine.

So I've always had a very interesting, open relationship with The Renaissance Man. He is one of my really good friends. We talk to each other about our dating relationships and all other things important in life. Then one day last week, he was describing to me the girl that he wants to date, and let's get real, I fit everything in his description. And this got me thinking... I could like this boy. I really could.

But now what do I do? How do I go from very close confidant to potential dating material? Especially with this here Renaissance Man, because let's get real, I don't think he would even like me anyway. And there it is folks, this man has so many different sides and I still don't quite get him. But I am a big fan of him and our friendship... and apparently I'm a bigger fan than I had previously anticipated.

May the force be with you,
The Friendly Kisser.

APDA (Awkward Public Displays of Affection)

I have recently decided that Provo has more awkward couples than any other city in the world. First of all, there is already a high number of awkward people here, just in general. Now take these people and put them in relationships with one another, and ladies and gentlemen you have just entered the land of awkward couples. Here are some awkward moments in Provo's dating history that I unfortunately witnessed firsthand.

The Eye-Gazers

One day, when sitting on a bench, eating my lunch, and minding my own business I look across the way and observe a couple sitting on the bench opposite me. The girl was sitting on her boyfriend's lap with her arms around his neck. With their noses touching they were staring deeply into each other's eyes. I'm not kidding, they did not say a single word for 10 minutes. Seriously, it would have been more comfortable for the people  around them if they had been making out.

The Spooners

 I don't know if it's the lack of caffeine around here, but people have no shame about sleeping on campus at this school. I have to admit, I have taken my fair share of naps on lawns and the occasional bench. Some days you really just can't function any longer unless you get a few minutes of sleep. However, I find it pretty awkward when, while walking to class, I notice a couple spooning it up (no pun intended) while taking their nap on the lawn outside the Talmage Building. Really people?

The Head Strokers

I think we have all had the unfortunate experience of sitting in class or church behind one one of these couples. Please allow me to explain.
The girlfriend spends the entire hour stroking her boyfriend's head, neck, cheeks, forehead, and ears. Even though you don't want to look, you can't help it because the awkward head stroking is going on directly in between you and your professor. If it weren't offensive, I'd love to lean forward and request that said girl kindly keep her hands away from her boyfriend's earlobes while in public.

The Football Couple

While at a football game once, I witnessed a couple kissing, cuddling, sitting on each others' laps, etc. I doubt they had any idea what was going on in the game. Now, it's fairly typical to see a couple like this at a football game, however this is what made the situation so memorable for me- I looked down and happened to notice a little hand poking out from under their seats. Why yes, like any good parents, they had stashed their baby under the bench for safe keeping while they awkwardly cuddled and kissed.

Moral of this post:
Dating Rule # 71: Please don't be the couple that makes everyone gag when they see your awkward public displays of affection.

Thanks,
The Cautious Charmer

Subconscious texting. Not advisable.

So everyone has THOSE guy friends. The ones that you hang out with all the time, talk about everything with, feel super comfortable around, and would secretly date in a heartbeat if you thought you had a chance. Well, I have a story about one of THOSE. His name is Col. Mustard.

A little more about Col Mustard and I:  We have this very open relationship in which we share dating woes and worries. It is not uncommon for him to come to me in need of advice or a good talk. It is also not uncommon for me to return home after said talk and dramatically exclaim to my roommates, "I WANT TO DATE COL MUSTARD! WHY DOESN'T HE WANT TO DATE ME!?!" After flopping on The Friendly Kisser's bed for a minute, I move on until the next time I talk to him. This has been happening for 2 months.

I know, pathetic. So last week, I decided to take action: I was going to tell Col. Mustard that I liked him. Or at least to take me on a date. After a roommate pump up talk about "taking the initiative", I was pretty convinced. I COULD DO IT!!

Ha. Yeah right.

The morning following this decision, I had a message from Col. Mustard on facebook. I had an unread message from him informing me that he had gone on a date with another girl. That was the third date Col. Mustard had been on in one week!! However, I was still determined. In exasperation, I texted The Friendly Kisser.

"Ha. Col. Mustard went on another date last night. WHY AM I GOING TO DO THIS!?"

No response.

Hmm.. that's funny. *check phone* Oh, that's why. I didn't send it to The Friendly Kisser. Silly me. I sent it to COL. MUSTARD!!

Yes, his name was in it and everything. To top it off, I sent him a follow up text apologizing and expressing embarrassment, therefore ruining all chances of a cover up. He finally answered and played it super cool.. telling me that it was no big deal and then asking about my day.

Dating Rule #55: When texting your roommate about the person you like, TRIPLE check the send-to number. Your sub-conscious might accidentally send it to the very man you're texting about. This can only lead to trauma and embarrassment.  

So, what has come of all this?? Absolutely nothing!! Sending him that text has scared me back into my state of secrecy and sadness. Yes, I still want him to ask me on a date. No, I don't have the confidence to tell him. Could this possibly be the reason why I seem to never find love in Provo? Indubitably.

Did he understand the true meaning of my text? Does he know of my feelings? How does he feel in response? Oh to know that mind of a man.

The One-Timer: Over and Out.

The day I was brave.

To preface this story, I am a complete wimp when it comes to talking about my feelings. I've never been good at it. My first boyfriend in high school always wanted to talk and find out what I was thinking and feeling and I wanted no part in it. And then I broke up with him.
The past couple of months, I've been getting better, but I'm still slightly awkward in most moments involving emotion.

So there is a lot of history between myself and Stonewall Jackson. We dated for a number of months our freshman year of college and then he left for two years. Upon his return this past March, I think we both fully anticipated dating again. However, after a few dates, I realized that I had no interest in him. It was a very confusing time for me. After about 2 months of living in unknown territory, he forced me to talk and I told him my lack of interest in dating him. He, however, had opposite opinions about the matter. We parted in an awkward manner, with his heartbroken and me feeling miserable because I feared I had just lost a very dear friend.
We didn't speak for 3 months.
Then on one fateful day about 4 weeks ago, I saw him. I freaked out. This reaction was entirely unexpected. Yet wildly pounding heart and inability to speak were my natural first reactions to seeing him.We finally spoke and exchanged pleasantries. It was awkward, but I was reminded of exactly how hilarious he is. I had the strangest feelings... it wasn't that I was interested in Stonewall again, but I did realize that I wanted to be friends with him again and that I wasn't entirely opposed to the idea of seeing if something could happen between us. But how on the earth was I supposed to portray this feeling to him?! If I was him, I would be ticked... I broke his heart, we didn't speak for months, and then I come to him saying we need to talk. I would've exclaimed my frustration at him ruining of my attempts to get over him. How was I supposed to get in a situation where I could talk to him?

Then I had an inspiring conversation with my roommate. Why must relationships be so terrifying? Why can't we all just tell each other what we're thinking and get rid of the absolute confusion that comes with dating? Honestly, what do you have to lose? If it doesn't work out, then why not find out now and not waste your time worrying about it? But if it does work, why wait?

So I was pumped up and ready to take on the world. I was terrified, but I texted Stonewall Jackson and said I needed to talk to him. I decided that if I just laid it all out on the line and left nothing for wondering, then he would have no room to b angry. So that's exactly what I did.
Readers of the world, I have never been so brave in my entire life.
I showed up at his apartment at midnight. He looked at me like I was insane. I told him everything I was thinking and feeling. I didn't leave anything out, and then he completely shut me down and didn't respond. And I felt fantastic! If we're not able to be friends again, I'm fine with it because that is his choice. And that is (most likely) the end of the saga of Stonewall Jackson.

Dating Rule #84: Don't be terrified to tell someone how you feel. Ever.

The Friendly Kisser - who no longer runs away from her feelings

Fail.

've thought a hard, long time about a name to give this boy. Many have come to mind, but for the sake of innocent ears, we'll call this guy The Tool. 

He's tall, dark, and handsome. I was vulnerable. I kissed okay I'M SORRY! We were camping with friends, I was tired, and it just kinda happened. It dawned on me in the middle of kissing him that I had no earthly idea if he liked me. So I backed up and in my cutest, most charming voice, I politely said: "You know, if you're a tool I'm gonna be reallllly disappointed...." 

Dating rule #15: If you're asking someone you are kissing if he's a tool, you most likely should not be kissing him. 

He laughed a little and played it cool. "Nahhhh, I'm not a tool."

Not only is he an absolute and complete tool, but he's a liar. Am I bitter? Yes. I've never been played, and the emotions of it are a little weird. I genuinely liked the guy. He smooth talked his little way into my life and left it without a word, and now I see him everyday and I say hello and smile and look like a babe, when what I really want to do is punch him in the face once, maybe even twice.

Shortly after this awful experience with The Tool, his best friend, The Goob, asked me on a date. The Goob is a sweetie and I thought it would be fun, so sure, I'll go. Let me explain this date to you.

Longboarding down a canyon at night with no helmet, (all I wanted to do was eat my fruit snacks and drink my juice!) I wiped out hard and got a concussion and a possible fracture in my elbow. There is still something protruding from it.

First date back at college: played.

Second date back at college: concussion and fracture.

I've recently been researching the profession of being a nun. It's been looking especially appealing lately. 

Back to blogging, faithfully,

The Heartbreaker

Love is Blind

Is it possible to be in love with someone who has absolutely no idea you even like him or her?

Well, since I've never been in love before, I'm probably not the one to ask. However, I can tell you that the boy I came closest to being in love with still has no clue how much I cared about him.

We will call him The Best Friend.

I met The Best Friend back when I was 15. I didn't know him very well until our senior year of high school. We had a few classes together and had the same group of friends that year. We started hanging out all the time and just did random stuff together. Temple trips, movie nights, Wendy's runs, night sledding, nickelcade, spontaneous drives to the whisper dome. Probably the thing I liked most about the Best Friend was that I could talk to him forever. Every couple weeks we would have a sports movie night, but we'd usually end up talking through the entire thing and not watch more than 10 minutes of it. Whenever we'd hang out in big groups we would leave the same time and then talk for another hour or two before actually getting in our cars and going home. I never expected to fall for the Best Friend, but as I got to know him I just couldn't help it. I loved everything about him. He was a total guy. He loved sports, was totally fine with wearing T-shirts and baseball caps every day, had no clue how girls think, and wasn't a pansy about anything. I liked that. He could get really surly sometimes, but I just thought it was hilarious and would make fun of him all the time for it. Even though he could be sarcastic, moody, negative, and impatient, I looked past all these imperfections because I could see his potential.
I always planned on telling The Best Friend that I liked him, but something always seemed to get in the way. Throughout high school he liked three of my best friends, so that was slightly problematic. I thought maybe something would happen when we left for college, but unfortunately he was still hung up on one of these girls at the time. I thought maybe if he dated someone else I'd be able to get over him. However, he's a chicken when it comes to relationships, so he never did anything about this other girl, which drove me insane. Instead, things just kept going on like they always had. We'd go on walks, shoot hoops, have movie nights, go hot tubbing, he'd come volunteer with me every weekend because I needed service hours for a class. As the semester went on, I just kept falling harder for him.
After a year of being head over heels for this kid, I realized how draining it was to care about someone so much who doesn't care about you in the same way. I was sick of waiting for him, so I decided to get over him. Easier said than done. I told everyone I didn't like him, I tried to focus on all the reasons I shouldn't like him, but how could I get over him when I cared so much about him as my best friend? It also didn't help that we still did things together all the time. The only reason I finally stopped liking The Best Friend was that he left on his mission and is now half a world away.
That was 8 months ago. Looking back, I realize that the person I was when I was around The Best Friend, was not my best self. He didn't make me want to be a better person. However, when I was in the moment, being with The Best Friend was all I could imagine ever wanting. Pretty pathetic right? I knew and accepted The Best Friend's faults but didn't realize how much of an influence those had on me. It scares me that this could happen again and I'll fall in love with someone who isn't good for me. But then again, maybe all of this happened so that I could learn a very important dating rule #27 If the person you are dating does not make you want to be a better person or vice versa, you probably aren't right for each other.

-The Cautious Charmer

Of Mice and Married Men

What are your thoughts on continuing to be friends with members of the opposite sex once you are married?
I definitely have my opinions on the matter, but they appear to differ from the opinions of some married gentlemen I know.

Yes, I do think you can continue to be friends after you've gotten married. I mean seriously, you can't just stop talking to half of the population just because you have been wed. But I also think that the friendship can not be the same as it was while they were single. I don't know about the rest of ya'll but I am just a naturally flirty person, that's my typical way of communicating with men, and that is not appropriate when said man is married. You can definitely still be friends and still care about the person, but you should not mess with the line between friendly and flirty.

This concern of mine stems from an experience or two that I've had in the last few weeks. I will explain the most pertinent one: I know I've mentioned Mr. Wickham before - when I said I went to his wedding about a month ago - and I promise that you will hear his story soon enough, but suffice it to say that we had a kind of fling back in March, then he got engaged and I was crushed. I just barely fully got over him right before his wedding. And then you'll never guess what has happened:
I have a class with him this semester.

We had signed up for this class together back in March, and I had completely forgotten about that fact until he texted me the day before classes started to make sure that I was still in the class with him. After a mild freak out, frantic attempts to change my schedule, and him texting me multiple times begging me not to drop it, I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to be in a class with Wickham. I was bothered that he was begging me to be in this class. I just wanted to shout, "YOU'RE MARRIED!!!" It would be slightly weird, but still fine, if he was talking to any other girl, but this was not so fine because not that long ago we were emotionally involved. So I felt uncomfortable about it. But it has turned out to be fine. We sit on the back row next to a rather pleasant fellow and the three of us talk through a good portion of the class. I promise that I have zero emotional attachment left for him. But I am glad we're still able to be friends, or at least friendly. But it's such a strange situation. I just really don't think that he knows how to be a married man yet. He needs to work on that.

-The Friendly Kisser

DTLOR: Define the Lack of Relationship.

One thing about me and men: I create a lot of unnecessary drama in my head.

But hey, at least I know that. So I can laugh at myself as I have mild freak outs randomly.

The Roommate situation kinda fell flat after our "confession" talk. (Aka - the talk during which he confessed his feelings for me and I acted confused and gave him no clues as to my real feelings) I left town, he left town, I left town again, and he moved out of the ward. This didn't leave much time for even seeing each other, let alone talking about serious relationshipy things. But, lucky for me, my mind wouldn't let go of the issue at hand. After week 3, it kinda started to eat me up. I needed to talk to him and tell him how I feel.

Let me explain these feelings of turmoil a little better: GUILT. I was feeling pretty dang guilty that he had poured his heart out and I just kinda gave him a shoulder shrug. The least I could do was tell him my thoughts.

So, I set up a talk time. First, I hate doing things like that. I would much prefer situations in which you could talk about serious things without being interrupted to come by spontaneously and unplanned. Planning them makes them seem so much more... well, serious. Not to mention the anxiety that anticipation can cause. Alas.

I met The Roommate and we immediately began talking like we always do. Catching up on life, telling jokes, laughing, blah blah blah. After about 25 minutes, I started to wonder how I was ever going to bring it up. We could clearly waste all our time fluff talking and not ever mention why we were actually there. Finally, I had to jump to the punch.

"Alright. No more of this. Time to talk about more serious things." Sadly, that was almost a direct quote. 

Dating Rule #82: When meeting a man for a "serious" relationship talk, don't postpone the inevitable for too long. You both now why you're REALLY there.. and it's not to talk about your new class schedule. 

It was hard to get out and explain, as it usually is, but I basically told him that part of me liked him, but I just didn't know how it would be to date him. He seemed to only hear the second part... and told me he kinda "figured" as much by my actions. The whole thing lasted under 10 minutes and ended with a resolution to go back to normal. Aka: brother and sister status? 

Now, for most people this would be nearly impossible. However, considering the personalities of both The Roommate and myself, I am quite convinced that this is EXACTLY what will happen. Back to normal.

Which is exactly what I want. Finally!

The One Timer: Over and Out.

I don't kiss just anyone. Usually.

My name is The Friendly Kisser. Yes, I do realize that the connotations of this name are not particularly positive, but let's get real here, most of our names on this blog do not have positive connotations.

Since my dating life is rather boring at the moment, I will inform the general populous of the basis of my name. Now keep in mind that there is a lot that goes along with most of these stories and I'm only telling the bare minimum. But these are some of my favorite stories because they are so entirely ridiculous. Also, no judgement... please and thank you.

The Hipster: I met the hipster the first week of last fall semester and I immediately adored him and found him fascinating. He was so unique and different from anyone I'd ever met and I was so attracted to that. Not physically attracted at first, just curiously attracted because I love watching interesting people. We spent lots of time together, not just the two of us, we were usually with our large group of friends. We shared our mutual love for reptiles and interest in discussing the basis of creativity and human thought. He is a very physical individual; I've never met a boy that just loves to be touched so much by everyone around him. Now I'm a very physical person as well (ever taken the 5 Love Language test? Physical Touch is one of my highest - this explains a lot, I know). Anyway, so from the very beginning we had a very physical friendship; I was always scratching his back or playing with his hair or we would even cuddle occasionally, though it meant nothing. Then one day we were watching a movie in his apartment and for some reason everyone else left halfway through. So then we ended up kissing. I was just like, "What in the world?! Where is this coming from? Do I even like him?" Then I just scratched those thoughts and kept kissing him. It was great. But then I got home and I was ashamed; I ended up not even telling my roommates about these happening for a couple months. I came to the conclusion that I did not in fact have feelings for The Hipster, and we continued to be very close friends. The fact that we had made-out through a solid portion of a movie never made things awkward and we never even discussed it.

The Gangster: I went to visit my best friend, who lives two hours a way, for a huge Mardi Gras party. She introduced me to one of her friends, The Gangster. He is Cambodian and had recently moved from just outside of Compton. Let's be serious now, he is the only boy I have ever kissed that had tattoos, and they were awesome. Yeah, he was pretty hardcore or something. He also turned out to be one of the sweetest, though not so bright, boys I've ever met. So we partied hard (nothing too crazy, just some excellent dance partying). I spent the whole night dancing with The Gangster and it was great. I had to leave to get on a plane by 6 the next morning, so I went running out to my car around 3. He came with me to the car and then just leaned in and laid one on me. I was completely surprised, but fine with it; he was not a bad kisser. Then I got in the car and watched him walk back inside And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the first and last time I spoke to or saw The Gangster.

Mr. Football: This man is a VERY large, black, college football player. He is from Gahna. He is outrageous. And he thinks he is so incredibly awesome. Ever since I first acquainted him, I have adored him. In my usual fashion, there is always a constant barrage of flirting going back and forth between the two of us. We attended a boating trip with a large group of friends and neighbors a few months ago, and one of the nights we were all standing around chatting. As a perfectly acceptable part of our conversation, Mr. Football kissed a friend of ours on the forehead and this friend exclaimed, "That's the first kiss I've ever had from a black man." Another friend then turned to me and stated: "I bet you want one." I just laughed and responded in my typical sarcastic way that of course I would. So Mr. Football promptly walked right up to me and kissed me full on the mouth right there in front everybody. I was entirely not expecting that, but went right along with it and it was spectacular. It was a great kiss. And everyone watched. And then everyone talked. I just laughed and we have continued our flirting friendship to this day, but when I'm around him, I always stay aware of the fact that he might kiss me again, which I would probably accept.

Now you have heard my three most ridiculous stories. Yes, I have a flirting problem. But I will have everyone know that I don't kiss just anyone. I have been quoted saying, "It's easy to kiss someone when you don't really like them." I stand by this statement. When I really like a boy, I am awkward and can not easily kiss them, or even talk to them like a normal person for that matter. It's a curse.

Now you understand me,
The Friendly Kisser

A Real Life Mr. Collins

Well, nothing exciting has happened in the past few weeks as far as dating goes, so I will tell you a little story from last year. It's not romantic. It's not cute. It's not frustrating. It's not even sad. It's just awkward.

Sometime at the beginning of December I went on a group blind date. I had never met anyone in my group prior to this evening and they were all pretty strange. All the boys, except one, were freshman--really obnoxious, immature, incredibly awkward freshman.When I look back on pictures I honestly don't remember who my date was out of these awkward boys or his name. Woops. All I remember about him is that he was a philosophy major, and let's be honest, that's all you really need to know to understand how my night went. Anyway, compared to these awkward, strange freshman, there was one boy in the group who seemed relatively normal. We will call him Mr. Collins. I ended up spending most of the night talking to him and left my date to happily flaunt his opinions about philosophy, politics, and religion to some other girl. When the night was over, Mr. Collins walked me across campus to my car and got my number. I drove away thinking he was pretty cute and that I wouldn't mind if he asked me out. A couple weeks later, he did! We went to lunch, and let's just say it was not exactly what I expected. He was nice, but it felt awkward...really awkward. The conversation was forced and choppy. With an awkward hug and a goodbye, we parted ways for Christmas break and I figured I would never hear from him again. To my surprise he texted me almost every day of the break! This was fine...but kind of overwhelming. Some days I didn't even text him back, but apparently that did not dampen his spirits. When we got back from break he asked me out again. At this point I was conflicted about the whole situation. I didn't really enjoy our date, but apparently he did! And he was really nice when we talked over the break, kind of awkward, but nice. I decided to chalk up his awkwardness to the fact that we'd only spent an hour together and some people are just a little awkward at first. So we went on a couple more dates that week. He made me lunch one afternoon at his apartment. It was actually more of a full course dinner- drinks, a main dish, 3 sides, and dessert. It was all terrible cooking, poor kid, but it was sweet of him to put all that effort in. But yet again, the date was awkward. However, everyone told me to give him a chance and look over the fact that he was kinda nerdy and wore huge New Balance white grandpa tennis shoes. Our next date we doubled with his best friend and his best friend's fiance. Yeah. I don't need to go into anymore details, you get the picture-awkward. Another night we went bowling and to get ice cream. This time I decided to have fun, so I did. Looking back on that night, I realized that I only had fun because I wanted to, Mr. Collins honestly had nothing to do with it. However, I couldn't see this at the time, so I finally thought things might be getting less awkward! Wrong. The next date was hands down one of the most awkward nights of my life. I was utterly confused about my feelings for Mr. Collins and of course needed some back up from my friends- The Heartbreaker and The One Timer. So I invited him to go get some frozen yogurt and to a game night with my friends. The night went pretty well for the most part. I have some pretty awesome friends, so we had a lot of fun! We ended up watching a movie, holding hands, and cuddling. Then came the 20 minute drive home. Just me and Mr. Collins. I can't remember exactly what happened, but I do remember it was the most awkward conversation we'd had yet...mostly because he didn't really talk much. I had to ask all the questions and his answers made me like Mr. Collins less and less. He made some women jokes (huge pet peeve of mine) and then told me about a hilarious time when he made fun of a disabled kid. Please note that at this time, I was a Special Ed major. This kid was losing points fast. By the time I dropped him off I had decided that I didn't ever care to see him again. One more awkward side hug goodbye and Mr. Collins would be out of my life, I thought. Well, apparently that's not what he was thinking. When I went in for the side hug, he went in for a kiss! Luckily, I have extremely fast reflexes so I dodged his face and continued on with the original plan of the awkward side hug. Whew! That was close. I told him goodbye, but Mr. Collins just sat there staring at me from the passenger seat. I must have done a really good job pretending I didn't notice that he tried to kiss me, cause Mr. Collins went in for a kiss AGAIN. There was no dodging this one. I decided I had three options. 1) Kiss him. 2) Cower in the corner of my car in the fetal position or 3) Say something to stop him. I refused to have my first kiss be a rape kiss from this awkward kid, so #1 was not an option. Although #2 was tempting, I decided it probably wouldn't go over well, so that left #3. I can't remember what I said, but whatever it was, it successfully got Mr. Collins out of my car and away from my face. By the time I got home, I had received a text from Mr. Collins. This is roughly what it said. "Hey, don't make plans for this weekend, because I'm gonna take you out." Umm excuse me??? I just rejected kissing him TWICE. What makes this guy so sure I would agree that he would A) not even ask and B) do this over text. Some people just can't take a hint. So the next day I decided I had to talk to him. I can't remember exactly what I said, but I tried to tell him as nicely as I could that I thought it would be better if we were just friends. He disagreed and tried to convince me otherwise, but I knew I could never date him. Moral of the story- Dating Rule #13) Never force yourself to try to have feelings for someone, no matter how flattering it is to have someone like you. and Dating Rule #44) If it starts out awkward, it's going to stay awkward.

-The Cautious Charmer

Mildly Pointless.

I went on another date. Let the celebration ensue.
It was joyous. Nothing over the top and nothing to get excited about, but we had fun. I went with a dear friend of mine whom I have known for years, who just recently returned from a 2 year jaunt in the Dominican Republic. It was so lovely to catch up with him and eat hamburgers and go to a rodeo. Truly, I love surprise rodeo dates. Also, firework shows are a wonderful thing. But I'm going to be honest here, I just felt kind of eh the whole time. It should have been a great, hilarious evening because I love my friend that I was with, but I kept thinking how much I wished I was with Library Boy instead. I was trying to be a great date and make it fun, but I felt like I was forcing it.
Rule #37: When you're on a date, be on that date. Try your very hardest not to think of other men.
Why, oh why, does Library Boy have to be so dang adorable and charming? Why must he take over my mind at inconvenient times when I'm trying to make myself stop thinking of him? That wretched boy is so wonderful, but it does not appear as though he returns my affection for him. Not that I would know for sure; I'm much more apt to sit and wonder what he's thinking than to actually go and ask him.

On a lighter note, I attended the wedding of Mr. Wickham this weekend. One of these days you will be privileged enough to hear that story. His wedding was fancy and interesting, and I was reassured that I am fully over my feelings for him. It was a very comforting weekend, considering how long it took for me to convince my heart to get over him.

This is a mildly pointless entry, but it all needed to be said. I apologize for my ramblings about Library Boy. I will attempt to keep them to a minimal in future posts. But I do not make any promises about that.

The Friendly Kisser.

It's Raining. It's Pouring.

Why is it that you can go months without any sign of dating excitement WHATSOEVER, and then suddenly be flooded with problems from multiple angles??

Last weekend was one of the floods. 

I had a date with Mr. Valentine on Friday night. I was moderately excited.. or, in other words, not overly giddy but still planning on having a grand time. The date itself was a fabulous night of four wheeling and roasting hot dogs. However, I'll spare you those boring details. What you DO need to know is this: conversation and chemistry was better than ever! We talked easily the entire night, entering a new level of "deep talking" that we had not previously reached. I really feel like I got to know him better... and actually liked what I got to know. On top of that, his communication continued to be superb. He loves to break all sorts of unwritten/unhealthy dating rules! Examples: he brought up several times during the night the fact that he was interested in me, asked me flat out if he was friend zoned or not, told me how fun it was to have my arms around him, and then told me how uplifting and inspiring I was to be around. While this all could be cheesy or absolutely revolting from a different guy, it was absolutely adorable coming from him! By the end of the date my scale had definitely gone up! 

Purposeless side note for entertainment only: During the date I had to use the bathroom SOO bad. Being away from any sort of restroom, I opted to go "wilderness style". He seemed to think this was rather amusing. But hey,desperate times call for desperate measures. 

I guess it's safe to say I would certainly be willing to go out with Mr. Valentine again. While I still am not completely smitten or convinced we would be compatible in a relationship, I have enough fun with him to see what could happen. 

Now let me get to the flood part. 

After being dropped off by Mr. Valentine, I returned home to the Roommate hanging out at my apartment. Long story short, less than 12 hours after returning from my date with Mr. Valentine, the Roommate vocally confessed his feelings for me. Where his previous two attempts of declaration had been vague and weak, this one was quite blunt. 

His exact words?

"I really like you but I know if I do anything about it I'm going to freak you out." 

The conversation lasted for quite some time, but I somehow left him with only the thought that "I was extremely confused about my feelings for him" and that "yes I was a little freaked out". The poor chap. If I was him, I'd be dying of frustration right now. And that was over a week ago. I went out of town for a week and left him with nothing but more confusion!

Dating Rule #12: It is near impossible to explain your feelings to someone when you, yourself, don't know how you feel. 

So now I sit, having returned from my trip, with quite the dilemma inside me. I need to talk to The Roommate, for he clearly deserves an explanation. And then there is Mr. Valentine. They are both being very vocal about their feelings for me.. But who do I prefer? Could I even see myself dating either of them??

I know part of me is simply flattered, but that is a horrid excuse. I need to dig down and discover my true feelings ASAP. Or I'm afraid all three of us are ruined forever*. 

*Please excuse my mild exaggeration. I'm only trying to add to the drama. 

The One Timer: Over and Out

A Date with a Ginger.

In my attempt to forget my feelings for Library Boy, I have accepted the offers from multiple (hopefully) trusted individuals to set me up on some dates. I must recount the most recent of these experiences to you, my dear readers.
Two weeks ago, my uncle asked my permission to give my number to a boy who he referred to as "a more attractive Ron Weasley." Now you see, I have a very soft spot in my heart for one Ronald Weasley (and most other gingers), and I knew that my uncle was playing with my emotions to try to convince me to accept this date. He won; I acquiesced.
This "more attractive Ron Weasley" called me that very week and we arranged the date. He was charmingly goofy while we talked on the phone and it wasn't a short make-the-plans-and-hang-up call, we chatted for 5-10 minutes and he was pleasant. Perhaps this could be a very fun date.
A few days prior to the day, we had a texting conversation to finalize our plans. After telling me what we were doing and my affermative response, he sent me the following text:
"ok, good! Well get the wrinkles out of that prom dress cause we are gonna rock p-town"
followed by "oh and I guess I need your address... for the limo"
Really? I'll give him points for originality, but what if I was one who took everything literally and then he showed up at my door to me wearing a big, pouffy prom dress? I was incredibly tempted to do so, just to put him in an awkward situation. Needless to say, I was not sure what to expect from this interesting human being.

The day came. He picked me up. He had flaming red hair.
It was a good blind date. There were no moments of super awkward silence, though he did occasionally ask some questions in an awkward, hesitant way. But it was fine. We went to dinner and then played some mini-golf and arcaded it up. He found out about my fantasy nerdiness within the first 2 minutes of the date and he completely accepted it. That was a good sign.
This boy was the most sarcastic person I've met in my entire life. And let me tell you, I've met some pretty sarcastic people. At least 3/4 of his statements during the entire night had to be followed up with "just kidding." I've never heard the phrase used more in one night. Now, I'm a pretty sarcastic person and I think sarcasm is hilarious, but there were times when it was a bit much. During a few moments of the date, I just wanted to talk to him, not have to be on my toes about what witty remark he was going to make next. Don't be confused, I felt pretty comfortable around him, I just wasn't ever sure exactly what he was actually thinking because he was always just joking.
All in all, it was a good date, something you can't always say for blind dates. I was able to talk to him pretty easily, we had fun, I got to play enough skee-ball to tide me over. But I don't think anything will come of it. I'm just thrilled he didn't end up being a weirdo.
Also, not nearly as attractive as Ron Weasley.

Peace. The Friendly Kisser.

Once Upon A Time

How do you sum up in words a story of the heart?

For no matter how beautiful I write this, no matter how many flowery adjectives and vivid verbs and perfect parallel sentences I create, it'll fall a little short. But I must try, because my outlook of the foreign and very little understood "male" species is all based around this story. Everything else I say is merely an appendage.

I'd like to tell you my story :) How is it that these tales begin? Oh yes.....

Once upon a time, I broke a boy's heart, and he was my Prince Charming. I'd known this boy since I was 14 years old. He had slowly and surely become the dearest friend I had, far surpassing my boyfriend of a year. He was my go-to guy for everything, the one I would call when a date went wrong or when I needed to go eat Red Robin fries for a night. I was one, huge constant giggle around my Prince Charming. When senior year of high school rolled around, he started chasing me, (what he later called his marathon chase,) and for a while I let him fall. I led him on, played cute and dumb, and then broke his heart in half when it was no longer in my best interest. It was selfish and terrible and awful, and this is where our story began. 

This is where the story began for me, because this is where I learned what trust was.This boy stayed my best friend through thick and thin. He's the only boy I've ever met who meant the phrase: "I'm here for you, and I'm going to be, no matter what." 

One night, at 3 in the morning, I texted him with a great idea: a run in the snow. The snowflakes were massive and the world was white, and i wanted to see it. Naturally, he wanted to do it, because that meant spending more time with me. (He is too good to me, that's one thing I hope you have figured out by now.) We bundled up and took off from our houses at college that were 50 yards away from each other. I'm fairly certain that every car that night stopped, that every person froze, and that the whole earth ceased any movement, except for the falling snow. It was perfect stillness. We ran and talked and caught snowflakes in our mouths, the whole time hearing the silent "crunch" of the snow beneath our shoes. We eventually reached a temple and discovered an open gate. The temple was lighted and we walked silently. I looked up and saw the snowflakes against the backdrop of white-washed mountains. For one second, I didn't analyze anything, I just took his hand and we kept walking. Neither of us said a word about it. 

Right then, I learned what love was. It didn't hit me like a ton of bricks and it wasn't even a realization I discovered at the moment. But in that moment, I wasn't holding someone's hand I was trying to impress. The games for us were over, which had never been the case with me. I was soaking wet and grinning like an idiot. My make-up was long gone and I had the circles of a tough exam under my eyes from the day before. My eyelashes and crazy hair were catching and holding the snowflakes, and he was brushing them away and laughing. He couldn't stop looking at me. In that moment, I was holding my best, best friend's hand, and it was as innocent as two five-year-old's on their way to Kindergarten for the first time. 

It was months before we started dating, but in that moment, I sure loved that boy.

The day we started dating was December 4, 2011. I randomly gave in, took a chance at something meaningful, and leaned over to kiss him. That night, all his friends tackled him with excitement when he got back to his dorm. I wasn't even sure myself what had happened, but I knew that he would never hurt me, that he made me laugh, that he loved me more than I knew someone could love another person, and that he made me want to be better.

He'd always let me get in football position and tackle him on campus, no matter who we were around, just because I'm a complete spaz and I like to tackle people.

I have the best double chin you've ever seen. I'd sometimes look at him and slowly sink my head back into my neck, just to watch him die laughing. 

His friends called him "whipped cream" because "he was so whipped." He'd just smile and kiss my forehead and absolutely agree.

He'd always roll his eyes when I commented on how pretty another girl was. "Pa---leassseee. I've got all I ever want, right here." Then he'd grab me and wrap me up.

Whenever I got a call from anyone, he thought it was his duty to kiss me while I was trying to have a conversation. He'd smile when I tried to pull away and then kiss me more and more and laugh as I tried so hard to focus on what was being said to me. I'd always hang up and drop the phone. 

He has the funniest falsetto voice.

We both have a desire to wear ugly thrift store clothes for the rest of our lives. He rocks white-trash 80's short shorts.

I wanted to lose weight and he wanted to gain weight. Our solution? I gave him piggybacks everywhere we walked. He burned less calories, I burned more, and we got lots of weird looks while we were at it.

We'd go shopping and he'd always bite his lower lip, look at me, look at the ground, struggle breathing a little, look at me again, let out a deep breath, and then just say, "Mmmhmm. Yup, get that." 

He'd always roll me up in a blanket and I'd squirm around in it. I was his little burrito and he thought he was so funny. 

We watched YouTube clips of the minions off of Despicable Me for at least 2 hours.

He loved to hold my hand, and we'd get a kick out of holding hands as awkwardly as possible and watching people's reactions. 

The last thing he said to me, through tears, before he left me, was: "Listen. I love you. I want you to be happy, and if that means being happy with someone else, then gosh...that's what I want for you." 

He's my better half, my partner-in-crime, my best friend. I'm convinced that we love each other more than most people experience in their whole life. 

Dating Rule #1: If you happen to meet someone who you love with every piece of your heart, don't you dare ever forget that. 

And that, my friends, is my fairy tale story.  

My Prince Charming, and my Not-So-Prince Charming

So, I'm in love.

We're not talking about a high school sweetheart or a college crush. We're talking about I want to grow old with you, forehead kisses, I simply cannot stop looking at you, flowers everyday, best, best friends in love. Maybe this is why I'm The Heartbreaker. I have my perfect boy, my Prince Charming, and I can't settle for less. He's on a mission for two years, and I decided to go my own way and let him go his, because I want to be the best person I possibly can and I love him so much that I want him to do the same.

When he left, I (naturally) was a little sad for a while. Not because I was waiting for him; just because I was missing my best friend.

Here is the tale of the first stab at dating I attempted after he went away.

I was depressed, and my parents were getting desperate to get me out of the house. To please them and to get my friends to stop pestering me every way I turned, I decided to go to an activity with a bunch of kids my age. No sooner did I walk in than a boy, about ten years older than me, heavyset, a sweet smile and an over-sized shirt made his way to where I stood.

I was in running shorts, my hair wet, no make-up, a "large" t-shirt. What I'm trying to say is that you'd better believe I was trying to impress every boy in that room. Apparently it was working, as 

this Not-So-Prince-Charming tried to turn his charm on. He was the epitome of AWKWARD, and I'd take that over a cocky tool any day of the week. My heart went out to him and I tried to be interested in him. Our conversation went a little like this:

"So, Not-So-Prince-Charming, what would be your dream job? Tell me about yourself! If you could do anything with your life, what would you be and what would you do?"

I saw the lightbulb come on as he thought of the perfect pick-up line. I flinched. I knew what was coming. No. Why did I ask?

"Marrrryingggg youuuuuu..............................But that would be more than a dream job, wouldn't it?????????????"

He sat there with a smug little smile. Yes. Score. I said it, I did it, she is charmed.

My friends were dying laughing and I changed the subject without taking a breath.  

Never again, mom.  Never again.

-The Heartbreaker.